Can I Hear You Now?

Dear Readers,
I lost my hearing, slowly over time. For awhile, hearing aids helped, but when I was around 58, my hearing diminished to the point where they did not help anymore.
This was a struggle, not only with teaching, but hearing in any sort of group setting.
After I retired, I took a leap of faith and had a cochlear implant in my right ear.

Here is a very short YouTube video on how a cochlear implant works.

The post I wrote a year after my implant describes how I was dealing with all the loss and acceptance of a major change.
Something Lost, Something Gained

I can't hear speech without my implant on. I can hear a few sounds, like a thud, but I hear them only softly. 
(Which is why hubs and I have some interesting conversations when I don't wear it! LOL)

I can hear speech with it on, but in group situations, or through a speaker such as a phone, or a microphone, I miss a lot. 
Music has changed for me as well.
I have to say, this was the biggest loss I struggled with in going deaf and with the implant. If you listen here, you will understand how I hear music now.

But I have learned the beauty of being able to accept something I can't change, and the beauty of being grateful for all I have. I carry music in my soul, and this is something nothing can take away. 
I can have wonderful conversations with people.
I rely on closed captioning, and I am grateful television and movies have this service.
I also have a closed captioning phone, for important conversations.

In a month, I will be having a second cochlear implant, in my left ear.
This will hopefully help me feel more balanced in my hearing, and will help a bit with speech.

However, my left ear is the one that can still hear a few natural sounds, and unfortunately, that will be gone with this operation.
There are of course risks, such as vertigo, with this operation as well.
Which leaves me feeling anxious. 
Which is normal, but with hubs retiring and now another implant, I feel a lot of anxiety.

So, I am feeling a bit mixed up right now. 
Deep breathing, walking, and writing are all helping me.
I also think of all the people who deal with all sorts of suffering, and I know am not alone, and I wish them some comfort.

The fall of the year seems to bring out a more melancholy mood for many of us here in the North, so I wrote a simple poem.

Our leaves are turning,
Green to gold, 
The sun slouches behind the trees.

Our winds like to chase us,

Playing strong arm games.

We know our sleep is coming,

We sense it everywhere.

Our leaves are turning,

Red to brown,
I for one, will not despair.

All will be well.

Much Love,
On Day 1484,

Wendy 

Comments

  1. Wendy, you do or say something every day that takes my breath away. You’re a remarkable person! Good luck to you and Keith as he enters retirement !

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    1. Thank you, HD! And Yoga is helping too! I am trying a new class! Although my anxiety is at least just situational!
      Thank you for all your support!!
      xo

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  2. That’sa tough decision.
    One of my coworkers has had cochlear implants form many years.
    Recently they failed (I think they were 20 years old, so she’s not surprised).
    But she is completely deaf while awaiting their replacement.
    For her, it is a big obstacle. The implants help her function. She can’t wait for the new ones. Thankfully she lip reads well.

    I know you will find your way. You seem to have enough gumption for this challenge.
    Hugs and love.
    Anne

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    1. The little bit of hearing I have left in my non-implant ear is only a very few soft sounds. I can't hear doorbells, speech, alarms, or anything that would help me when I am not wearing my implant. I could just keep things as they are, and be ok with one. But I know two work better, and they talk to each other! Thank you, Anne!
      xo

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  3. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Wendy. I'm sure being in a setting with loud music or conversations is not only frustrating but anxiety-inducing. It's amazing the implant technology available for those who need it. Sending hugs and best of luck to you, and a beautiful poem! xx

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    1. Thank you, Lori! It is a wonderful invention!
      xo

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  4. Ditto on Hearon's post. After clicking on your link to listen to how you hear music, only now do I understand. As best as I can of course without being you, With your permission I'd like to add you to our prayer chain. Let me know the date of your implant and I will hold you in my heart and prayers the day of. I've had many customers claiming CBD oil has helped them with their anxiety. We've sold CV Sciences Plus CBD for 2 years, very reputable and lots of science and integrity behind their products. Wendy, my astonishment just keeps growing the more I learn about you. I'll say it once again: You are my hero. <3

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    1. Thank you for listening, Elizabeth! Of course you can add me. My operation is October 24. And thank you for being a support on this journey!
      xo

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    2. "We know our sleep is coming, We sense it everywhere." I'm sitting in Boston and haven't been to my beloved Twin Cities for several weeks, and your poem took my breath away. In a good way.... I hope your second implant goes well and gives your hearing that balance! Our sensory experience in this life is so central -- what we're born with is our reference point and our normal. Sending you hugs!!

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    3. Thank you, Adrian! I hope you are having fun in Boston!
      I got your hugs!
      xo

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  5. Wendy - you are an amazing, strong woman and so courageous. Thank you for sharing your life with me/us - you always inspire me to be better. I will send good metta your way and know that all will be right. Hugs. A

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    1. Thank you so much! I am both excited and scared, but that’s normal, too!
      xo

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  6. Hi Wendy,
    Your words are always so beautifully put together. I've always admired your courage💗

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    1. Thank you so very much! I am scared, but excited too!
      xo

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  7. Love the poem Wendy. All the best with the surgery, here’s to happy hearing and healthy healing xo Deborah

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    1. Hi Deborah! Thank you! I sure hope it helps!
      xo

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  8. Wendy you are amazing! I hope everything goes well with the cochlear implant. Please keep us updated. Much love, Flossie x

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  9. You are just awesome Wendy. Such an inspiration.Hope the implant goes well. xxx

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