Friday, June 30, 2017

Who Am I?

Dear Readers,
A young man that works for the foundation I volunteer for, read some of my blog posts, and said it reminded him of a poem, written by a Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was in a Nazi concentration camp, and would soon be hanged.
Green but Buggy! Run! LOL

It speaks to the doubt I often have about a public face and private face, about not knowing who I really am. The confusion of wondering what is my purpose, of being both happy and depressed, of being outwardly smiling and inwardly confused.
I know I am not alone in this suffering.

Now, I have had wonderful things happen in my life, and I am not comparing what this man went through to my problems.
But the poem speaks to the bigger issue of being human, and the feelings and struggles we all have.

Today, I am not suffering.
I am happy in my volunteer place, packing kits with the life-saving drug, Naloxone.
I am happy kissing Mr. UT.
I am happy writing this post.
I am happy giving support to other people.
I am happy at my coffee shop where I love to read and write.
I am happy at my AA meetings,
These stairs are good for my legs!
I am happy walking outside in the park, with green surrounding me.
I am happy at yoga.

Being sober has made life so much easier, calmer, and I have gained peace.
Peace to know nothing is forever, feelings come and go, helping other people feeds my soul, and I am okay.

It's a beautiful poem.

Who Am I?
"Who am I?  They often tell me
I stepped from my cell's confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a Squire from his country house.

Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders 
freely and friendly and clearly,
as through it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
equably, smilingly, proudly,
like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing
My throat, yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.

Who am I? This or the Other?
Am I one person to-day and to-morrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me like a beaten army
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely question of mine,

Whoever I am, Thou Knows, O God, I am thine."


Below are two sites that give more information about his life and the meaning of the poem.

http://www.marksturgess.org/blog/who-am-i-a-poem-by-d-bonhoeffer
http://www.dbonhoeffer.org/who-was-db2.htm


With Love,
On Day 1,030,

Wendy

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Montreal Vacation

Dear Readers,
We are on vacation this 
week, in Montreal, Canada!

I am sorry I will be unable comment much on your blogs, as I am using our I Pad.
But I will try to read them, and like them, and catch up with comments when we get home.

The coffee here is super yummy!
The people so nice.
Not missing drinking at all.
I'm enjoying sparkling water and tonic water with lime at our dinners and on our roof top terrace. 

I learned a few basic words in French, and this is what I say...

Je suis désolé, je ne parle pas français
...which means, I am sorry, I do not speak French!

While I was watching the news, there was a report about the opioid addiction problem
in Canada. The Canadian Health Board approved three safe injection sites in Montreal.
Here is the news article.


Hugs to all of you,
On Day 1,020,

Wendy

Monday, June 12, 2017

The Coolest Thing Ever!

Dear Readers,
Mr. UT and I rarely go out to movies, because I can not hear most of the dialogue.
We watch most movies at home so I have closed caption.
(See this post about my cochlear implant.)
So I was so surprised there is a really cool device that you can get closed caption on movies in theaters!


We saw Wonder Woman, and I was amazed at how much I could now understand by reading. Jokes were the best! I laughed right along with other people!

I am so happy about this!
Not all movies have closed caption, but the major ones all do.

Now, I have to say something about movies.
I used to think of going to movies as a time to drink. Before the movies, at the movies, and after the movies.
In fact, how I could watch a movie and not drink was beyond me.

I am not proud of this fact, but one time I left Mr. UT in the theatre and went to have a drink by myself at a bar. Ugh.

This time we kind of went nuts, and had popcorn, Twizlers, and Peanut M&M's.
It cost us a mint, but how much fun munching and crunching and reading through the movie!!

Every time I post a picture of us smiling, it's a real thing. The smiles are real, the happiness is real. We are in a far better place not drinking. 
In my drinking past, the smiling photos would have a lot of pain about my drinking behind them. 
I want to show everyone that you can be sober, have good times, live life, kiss, and look forward to more!
  
Dinner Outside
With Movies and Junk Food,
On Day 1,012,

Wendy




Friday, June 9, 2017

Friday In The City

Dear Readers,
It's Friday in the great city of Minneapolis!
You can't be bored here, as there is really so much to do!
Of course, I'm not doing it!
It's 11:30 am, and I am still in my pajamas!
In my defense...well, ever mind, I have no defense!

The bed is made, the dishes put away, and I have played my computer games.
Mr. UT is out painting.
I am trying to get the motivation to get into the shower and get myself to yoga.
I can do this!

It's supposed to be very hot and humid this weekend, so hubs and I are planning our movie dates! Alien for sure! I never go to chick flicks, or anything that will make me cry. I don't cry quietly!

One of the things I do at my volunteer position, for the Steve Rummler Hope Foundation, is pack kits with Naloxone, the drug that will help people come out of an overdose due to opioids. One of the darling people I volunteer with, was saved by this drug, and is now sober. 

I also met a woman who received training and a kit, and was able to save her high school daughter. I met the daughter as well. These are just two of the many people who would have probably died, without this drug. 

I really love volunteering, as it gets me out of my own head, and at the same time, I feel so happy I can help someone.

That's all I have today!
I am looking forward to a grateful, sober weekend!

With Air Conditioning,
And a Fan,
On Day 1,009,

Wendy

P.S. - We made plans to travel to Montreal, Canada!
I'm so excited! 
It's supposed to be a very cool city to visit.