Monday, February 22, 2016

Making Things Harder Than They Need to Be!

Dear Readers,
I can make BIG mountains out of the smallest mole hills.
It's sometimes amazing I do anything when I consider the self-talk that goes through my head.
Everything seems too hard.
Just making the bed can seems like a major feat to me!

But I have learned a technique that has been making a difference.
I read about it in the book, Feeling Good, by David Burns, where in it he has a chapter on overcoming procrastination.
He has you keep track of, and rate, your perceived difficulty of a task, and then do the task and rate the actual difficulty of the task. This is on a scale of 0% to 100%, where 0% is easy to 100% being very hard. (He has you do the same for the perceived and actual satisfaction of the task.)

For example, I perceived that dusting the house was going to 90% hard, but I found it was actually only 40% hard. Making the bed has now become easy for me. I used to perceive it as 70% difficult, but I found out most days it is only 20% difficult. (For me)

Writing a blog post seems so hard, (90%), that I often don't write one, or start one and don't post it.
But actually, it's not as hard as I make it out to be, usually only about 40% hard for me. Once I start writing, the words usually flow!
(And it doesn't have to be perfect, I always need to remind myself.)

This simple technique is helping me so much, I am going to add the perceived and actual satisfaction part. I can tell you now that almost all things give me way more satisfaction than I perceive they will. 

It seems to me I overestimate the difficulties of life and underestimate the joys of life.

I pulled my back this weekend. I have been sitting in a chair with a heating pad and ice for 3 days. Hubs and I did get out for a walk, (I would classify it as a stroll), but I couldn't get into the car. It took about 10 minutes. He was pretty patient.
I am not sad or angry about my back. This happens once in awhile. My back will heal, and life goes on. I am using this time to reflect and write.

No mountain making today!
It's all mole hills, maybe even ant hills!
(That was a joke and I hope you all got it!)

With a Heating Pad on Day 535,

Wednesday, February 17, 2016


Dear Readers,
I am really on 530 days!!
I signed up for Belle's two year pledge, and when I told her I was on day 500, she laughed and said...
You are on day 530!!!

That is SO funny!
The last thing I need is to go backwards!!

Hugs to all!

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Day 500!

Dear Readers
Last week I was going through some of those, "I wish I could still drink" thoughts.
I am not going to drink, but I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.
It sometimes surprises me when these feelings pop up, but then again, I know this is normal. 

I think it started with hearing stories about a friend who went away for a girls' weekend. They had a great time dancing, bar hopping, laughing and just being silly. 
There was a lot of drinking.
I also saw some people I know having a great vacation with friends, posting all the photos on social media. Drinking was also involved here.

I tried talking to my Loved One about what I was feeling and thinking. 
He got a little angry. He reminded me not to romanticize the drinking. I think it is hard for my Loved One to hear my feelings around drinking at times.
He says he is sorry I have to deal with these. He wants to help.

Then I talked to another friend of mine who was sober for a year, and is now drinking again.
He told me he wished he had not relapsed.
He told me he hated the hangovers, overeating, feeling tired, and the feelings of not being sharp. 

I also talked to my AA friends in a meeting. They told me this is very normal.

I looked a little closer at my feelings, and I think the thing I was really feeling sorry about was not the drinking as much as it was missing connections with other people. It doesn't take me long to lapse into a lonely feeling, or feelings of being left out if I am not careful.

After listening a little closer to my girlfriend, I heard some reasons why the weekend wasn't as fun as I first thought. There were fights, hurt feelings and someone throwing up.

When these thoughts and feelings come up, it is important to me to voice them. Here on my blog or to safe friends, ones who understand.
Not because I will drink today, but to be sure I see the deeper reasons why drinking will not help me. Also so that I don't hide the thoughts.

Drinking won't make me be less lonely.
It won't make my vacations beautiful.
It won't get me more real friends.

I feel grounded this today. I wrote this post, saw my life coach, went to yoga, talked to my sister, and visited with a friend. A perfect day for me.
Oh, and I laughed and had fun, and kissed hubs.

On Day 500 
With Acceptance,

Thursday, February 4, 2016

17 Months Sober!

Dear Readers,
We had a beautiful snowstorm this week. It was the prettiest snow! It was one of those days that you could just stand at your window and be awed by the beauty.
Of course, I was stuck on the highway for a long time, but no matter!
Looking Out My Window

After being sick for almost a month, I am finally feeling better. But I have been procrastinating on writing my blog posts. I have been distracting myself a little too much.

But I love writing.
It's one of the ways I can be creative, and I have been missing it.

I signed up to lead my AA meeting for the month of February. I work well with a little bit of structure, and so this will help me get to my meeting as well as be of service to others. It's not hard. 
And here is the one thing I know will happen:
I will receive way more than I give.

People everywhere are lonely. They are afraid. They fear growing old by themselves. They have been hurt by people they love. They have had to put parents into hospice. Their children have problems. They lose jobs. They struggle to find their place in the world.

Every time I go into my meeting, I hear all of these fears and more. 
I hear of how we have tried to run away from these things by drinking or using drugs.

But I also hear words of faith and hope, words that come from the heart.
They tell me over and over again, we are not alone.
Whether someone has been sober for years or a few days, I listen to what they have to say.
Because I never know who will speak words that speak to me.

I am so grateful to be sober today.  I was reading a book where a character's drinking problem was fully described. I thought to myself, "Yuck! So glad I don't do that anymore!"

Now, I wanted to take cookies to my meeting. The night before, they sat in a bag, calling to me. My hubs said, "What are they calling you, tubby?"
Ha. That was funny. He makes me laugh! 
I ate them. Left some for him and had to go out to buy more!

With No More Cookies but Lots of Snow,
On Day 488,