Saturday, June 25, 2016

Living With Uncertainty

Dear Readers,
I have been thinking about how to live life with uncertainty. 
I have no control over so much.
Things can change in a flash.

Living in this world takes a lot of courage and faith.
Courage to face the hard things, and faith that somehow things will work out.
(Now I cannot imagine how to do this if I lived in a war torn country, or other hard situations where there seems to be no hope. So I only write from my perceptive of being a white female, raised in a middle class family in the United States.)

It takes so much courage and faith to recover from an addiction.
We have to have the courage to face the fact that we have a problem,
We have to have the courage to reach out for help and faith that we will receive that help.
We have to believe that somehow, if we can stop, we will still have friends, that we will still have fun, that we can face life's problems.
We hear other people have done it, but we can't be sure it will be the same for us.
Somehow, we have to learn to live with the uncertainty of what will happen.

(I found this wonderful, short article on Courage in Recovery here.)

I think of my 91 year old mother, who just moved from her home of 60 years, and is living in a far away state with her son, in his house.
It is scary for her as she is uncertain if she will meet new friends, be able to drive, find a church, and just figure everything out.
She is facing this with courage and faith.

I have had many operations in my life.
Most of them worked, but some didn't. 
I had to live with the uncertainty of the outcomes of those operations, along with the courage to go ahead and have them, and faith that somehow things would be all right. My eye straitening operations, did not not work, and so I live with a crossed eye.
And everything was all right.

Last week at my mother's house, I learned that I have much more to give this world.
I am reaching way down deep to find the courage and faith to move out of my safe world a little more.
I wrote to a woman who helps others in recovery, and I hope I can volunteer for her.
If not, I now know I have the courage to keep asking to find a place that I can be of service.

I am strong.
You are strong.
We have the courage to face the uncertainty of life.
Even if we think we don't.
We must keep faith that somehow, in the end, things will be all right.

With Much Love,
On Day 660,

Monday, June 20, 2016

Rising to the Occasion

Dear Readers,
Dancing at Wedding 
This last week was incredibly busy.
I have been in Madison for a family wedding and then working with my brother and sister, and hubs, cleaning out my mom's house in order to sell it.

The wedding was lovely, and hubs and I danced and danced!
We were the only people not drinking, (except the kids). And that was fine with me. We still had as much fun as the drinkers, and we had no hangovers the next day! 

Did I miss drinking? I did not, especially when I saw how much other people were drinking! I would have wanted to keep up with them, which would not have been pretty!

What was fun was catching up with all my family, and visiting Madison with them! 

Cleaning out my 91 year old mother's house was extremely hard physically. She and my father were both hoarders, especially my father (who has passed). The amount of old and heavy stuff that had to be cleared out was overwhelming. So for seven days and nights, my sister, brother, hubs and I, cleaned, carried trash, painted, fixed things, packed and packed, had a garage sale and had an open house.

On Steps of Capital in Madison, Wisconsin

I was so impressed with all of us, including my mom, on how well we worked together to get this done. I have never worked so hard in my life. It was back breaking work, but we never gave up, and we never had any big meltdowns! Just a few minor ones! 

I can't imagine drinking through this stress! I would have been worthless. I definitely would have had at least one big meltdown! And there is no way I could do what I did with hangovers! I was so happy being sober. 

The lessons I learned were many, and I am still processing them all. But one of them is, I am stronger than I think and could be doing more than I think. I do need the support of other people, a team. Every time I thought I couldn't carry one more heavy box, my sister helped me push forward. Every time she needed a push, I helped her. "Let's Do It," became our motto. And slowly one box at a time, we cleared all the rooms, including the yucky basement! (We also had help with the heavy stuff from her very fit daughter and my hubs.)

Being sober definitely helped me this past week. It made the happy times happy, and the hard times not so hard. 

With Some New Found Muscles,
On Day 655


Saturday, June 4, 2016

21 Months

Our First Bike Ride
Dear Readers,
Thank you for your concern about my mom and myself!
The good news is, we have both healed.
I am home for a week, and then will be gone again for more packing!

Today I have been a non-drinker for 21 months.
And today, I am ready to make a shift in my thinking.
I am tired of my poor me, missing out thoughts that sometimes enter my head. 
I don't get these thoughts often anymore, but when I do, I am not happy.

I want to take lessons from the sober people who are almost giddy they stopped.
I find these people in the blogging world, as well as in AA.

Centennial Lakes Park is our Favorite
And so, right at this minute, I refuse to let those thoughts enter my head.
I am so thankful I heeded the call to stop drinking.
I was in denial for so long.

It takes a lot of courage to stop drinking.
To be totally honest and say, this has to stop.

And then, it takes a big shift in thinking, that says, I am glad I stopped.
I am glad I don't have to worry about the things that might or would have happened if I kept drinking.
I am glad for all the good things that I have because I stopped.
And to be glad in all situations, even a party where all your close friends are still drinking.

I want to be a role model that says, look here...I can be sober and be happy!
I don't need to be all morose.
It's only alcohol. 
It's time for me to grow up a little more.

There will be times to practice my new way of thinking, very soon.
I will be attending a family wedding, as well as going to small dinner parties.
And I want to go with a message of I am happy sober.
Giving people I love hugs and kisses.

For them.
For hubs.
For me.

With Much Love,
On Day 639,