I have been thinking about how to live life with uncertainty.
I have no control over so much.
Things can change in a flash.
Living in this world takes a lot of courage and faith.
Courage to face the hard things, and faith that somehow things will work out.
(Now I cannot imagine how to do this if I lived in a war torn country, or other hard situations where there seems to be no hope. So I only write from my perceptive of being a white female, raised in a middle class family in the United States.)
It takes so much courage and faith to recover from an addiction.
We have to have the courage to face the fact that we have a problem,
We have to have the courage to reach out for help and faith that we will receive that help.
We have to believe that somehow, if we can stop, we will still have friends, that we will still have fun, that we can face life's problems.
We hear other people have done it, but we can't be sure it will be the same for us.
Somehow, we have to learn to live with the uncertainty of what will happen.
(I found this wonderful, short article on Courage in Recovery here.)
I think of my 91 year old mother, who just moved from her home of 60 years, and is living in a far away state with her son, in his house.
It is scary for her as she is uncertain if she will meet new friends, be able to drive, find a church, and just figure everything out.
She is facing this with courage and faith.
I have had many operations in my life.
Most of them worked, but some didn't.
I had to live with the uncertainty of the outcomes of those operations, along with the courage to go ahead and have them, and faith that somehow things would be all right. My eye straitening operations, did not not work, and so I live with a crossed eye.
And everything was all right.
Last week at my mother's house, I learned that I have much more to give this world.
I am reaching way down deep to find the courage and faith to move out of my safe world a little more.
I wrote to a woman who helps others in recovery, and I hope I can volunteer for her.
If not, I now know I have the courage to keep asking to find a place that I can be of service.
I am strong.
You are strong.
We have the courage to face the uncertainty of life.
Even if we think we don't.
We must keep faith that somehow, in the end, things will be all right.
With Much Love,
On Day 660,