Saturday, June 25, 2016

Living With Uncertainty

Dear Readers,
I have been thinking about how to live life with uncertainty. 
I have no control over so much.
Things can change in a flash.

Living in this world takes a lot of courage and faith.
Courage to face the hard things, and faith that somehow things will work out.
(Now I cannot imagine how to do this if I lived in a war torn country, or other hard situations where there seems to be no hope. So I only write from my perceptive of being a white female, raised in a middle class family in the United States.)

It takes so much courage and faith to recover from an addiction.
We have to have the courage to face the fact that we have a problem,
We have to have the courage to reach out for help and faith that we will receive that help.
We have to believe that somehow, if we can stop, we will still have friends, that we will still have fun, that we can face life's problems.
We hear other people have done it, but we can't be sure it will be the same for us.
Somehow, we have to learn to live with the uncertainty of what will happen.

(I found this wonderful, short article on Courage in Recovery here.)

I think of my 91 year old mother, who just moved from her home of 60 years, and is living in a far away state with her son, in his house.
It is scary for her as she is uncertain if she will meet new friends, be able to drive, find a church, and just figure everything out.
She is facing this with courage and faith.

I have had many operations in my life.
Most of them worked, but some didn't. 
I had to live with the uncertainty of the outcomes of those operations, along with the courage to go ahead and have them, and faith that somehow things would be all right. My eye straitening operations, did not not work, and so I live with a crossed eye.
And everything was all right.

Last week at my mother's house, I learned that I have much more to give this world.
I am reaching way down deep to find the courage and faith to move out of my safe world a little more.
I wrote to a woman who helps others in recovery, and I hope I can volunteer for her.
If not, I now know I have the courage to keep asking to find a place that I can be of service.

I am strong.
You are strong.
We have the courage to face the uncertainty of life.
Even if we think we don't.
We must keep faith that somehow, in the end, things will be all right.

With Much Love,
On Day 660,
Wendy

25 comments:

  1. Courage, yes! I can hear it in this post Wendy. So I just recently experienced this. I set a meeting with my principal, and I sat down and talked through not only the blog but my history. I was sober when he hired me, so he didn't know my "shaky" past. It felt so good to air it!

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    1. Mark, that must have been hard!
      One of my principals had a big problem with alcohol himself, so at every party we would all get drunk.
      But I give a big hug to my last principal, whom I called while drunk, driving and suicidal, that tried to help me.
      A year later, after I retired, I told her how sorry I was to put her through that. She was awesome.
      xo

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  2. Beautiful.
    You are strong. And inspiring.
    Sometimes we just have to find a way to be ok with how things are. The alternative is to suffer. None of us need that.
    Life is too intriguing!

    Love
    Anne

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    1. Like you, who have to go through all the uncertainty with the fire.
      You are demonstrating such courage and faith.
      xo

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  3. Beautiful post Wendy. :-)
    Saluting you on your brave sober life and also on day 660!
    xx, Feeling

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    1. Thank you dear Feeling!!
      And Happy 2 Months!!
      xo

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  4. Hello new friend. I am really enjoying your blog. I think you are doing an amazing job, and I appreciate you. You are helping me through my walk, and I am sure, based on the comments above, helping others. I think our most recent posts reflect each other. There is a certain amount of emotion and waves that we have to push through sometimes, without our favorite crutch. I am here for you, and many blessings to you. For some reason, the blogspot comment section does not letting me post under my wordpress blog name, but I hope you do come to my site, so we further share our experiences. -Secret Quitter secretquitter.wordpress.com

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    1. Thank you, SQ!
      It really is like learning to grow up all over again!
      I will check out your blog now!
      The best way to connect to my blog is to make a Goggle Account. I made a word press account, so that I can easily post on WP.
      xo

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  5. Uptipsy, This line speaks volumes to me "I learned that I have much more to give this world. I am reaching way down deep to find the courage and faith to move out of my safe world a little more." I notice as I move through life I am once again swirling back toward, give-more-and-dig-deeper. Thank you for sharing these intimate thoughts. On a second note, I see you all over the blog-o-sphere and am a little embarrassed to have just gotten over here for a hello. Looking forward to many more post reads. Lisa (aka Sober Identity)

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    1. Hi Lisa!
      Hello to you, too!
      I will be sure to find your blog, too!
      xo

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  6. Wendy, this is such a wonderful post! I've been thinking so much about uncertainty as well lately. I've started doing a kind of practice: twice a day, I take a moment to remind myself that I need to trust the world, and I imagine that I truly do and sit in what that feels like. I used to think I lived in a kind of trust, bit getting sober shows me how often I planned what I couldnt control. I love the way you talk about this, and the reminder that courage is what we need. Kudos to you for being so strong in all this, and for showing the way! xo

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    1. Thank you, Thirsty!
      I think another fear I have in moving outward, is that I am afraid I will make a mistake.
      That I will be stuck in that place forever.
      But I do know, that I am very tired of being in the house too much.
      It's time to find another place to belong.
      xo

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  7. Uncertainty is so so hard. I don't know how to deal with it. Just going through one day at a time.
    Sorry for pulling a disappearing act again.

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    1. Dear TATB,
      I am so happy to hear from you.
      I have missed you.
      One day at a time is the best way to deal with anything, and sometimes I have to do it one breath at a time.
      I am giving you a big hug.
      xoxo

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  8. Beautiful, Wendy. Your posts always have a way of quieting the chaos. Thank you for sharing your continued experience. You have been of great service to me and I will always be grateful to you for that. Hope your mom is finding time to play music- I think you said she still plays violin? Awesome! :) <3

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    1. Yes, my mom still plays violin!
      She is such a great role model for me.
      You are learning the joy of living without drinking!
      xo

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  9. There is some kind of saying about everything in the right time and order and maybe for you that is becoming apparent now. This could be your time to step out of the house and do something but it will not just happen, you need to maybe plan and take action even if the action is go to the library and look at the hobbies section for ideas. I think you would be perfect to volunteer for something recovery related as you give so much here to everyone. You always seem to have the right words to say.

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    1. Thank you, Ginger!
      The woman I contacted wants me to volunteer.
      I'm going on Wed, and I hope it's something I want to do!
      I am excited!
      xo

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  10. Hi Wendy, I've never really given much thought to the uncertainty of things but you do make a good point. I see in the comment above me here that you are going to be a volunteer, how awesome. I think you have a lot to offer and one thing is that in the face of uncertainty there is always solid ground. Love Gael

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    1. You are right, Gael!!
      Solid ground.
      Sometimes if I "ground" myself by touching a big rock, or weeding, I feel better!
      xo

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  11. I really love what you wrote. All my life I have used things, antidepressants, alcohol, shopping... And more.... To deal with the obstacles of life. All were temporary fixes. Now I am living alcohol free and learning to deal with my other addictions and it is hard! Feeling real emotions and having to ride the waves without a pill or a drink or a shopping splurge. But I know it can be done, I see others like yourself and it gives me courage. Thank you for sharing. Www.plantbasednanablog.wordpress.com

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    1. Thank you for commenting!
      It can be done!
      I see it everyday here on blogs as well as at meetings!
      xo

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    2. I've tried to leave you comments on your page, but I think they might be going into your spam folder.
      xo

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  12. Volunteers are wonderful, kind, generous and non judgemental. You will probably get a lot from doing it. We have a volunteer who works with my dad and she has no idea what a difference to our lives she makes xx priceless!

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    1. Hi Peppermint and Honey!
      I agree. I had some wonderful volunteers when I was teaching, too!
      xo

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