The Life I am Making
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| Our Evening Walk..Minneapolis |
I am slowly understanding the effects that drinking had on my life.
It kept me from participating in a full life.
It kept me trapped in my child-self, the one that wants what she wants right now.
It kept me trapped by keeping me inside, in the dark bars.
It kept me away from being close to my husband.
It kept me away from learning how to be an adult.
It has taken me awhile to appreciate all that I have learned.
I sometimes think I haven't grown fast enough in my recovery, but then I look back and realize I am making progress!
One of the greatest things I have learned is that life is what I make it.
If I chose a word of the year, it might be "action".
I can let inertia take over, and when I do that, I always find I get down.
I can't wait until I "feel" like doing something, I have to just do it.
I have to "show up" for things.
Which for me is easier said than done at times, especially on grey days.
I have found that outside accountability helps me.
That's one of the reasons I told so many people about my sobriety...the accountability.
I can't let fear stop me from living a fuller life.
I was so afraid to pick someplace to volunteer, afraid I would be tied there forever, or that somehow I would be making a "wrong" choice.
Once I faced my fears, and just asked to help, I am finding so much happiness meeting new people, learning new skills, and going out of my comfort zone.
(My volunteer job is working with a small non-profit foundation that helps people with opioid addictions. I am putting the link to their website here.)
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| Our Favorite City Park |
In the past few weeks, I have:
- Been to a cabin with friends - Hosted a dinner party where nobody drank alcohol
- Hiked and walked with hubs
- Golfed with hubs and friends
- Volunteered
- Been to meetings
- Seen friends at coffee shops and at my house
- Been to yoga
- Read several books
- Been to doctors, as I had a small kidney stone (not fun)
As I am retired, I count myself very lucky I have this time to give of myself as well as time for myself. But I also see that life goes by very fast. I can't take anything for granted anymore.
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| Falls...Up North |
With a Cup of Coffee, On Day 749,
Wendy
PS - Hubs will have his operation in two weeks.
We both have been calm while waiting, and just have been going on with our daily routines.
'I can't let fear stop me from living a fuller life'...this exactly what I need to learn! This is such a great post...you are so right, life is what you make it. I don't know that I'm quite at the 'action' stage yet. That might take a while. But reading about your progress is pretty inspiring - thanks!!
ReplyDeleteIt's not always easy for me.
DeleteBut I realize that for my mental health, I need to be out in the world!
xo
Beautiful Wendy :) xx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lou!
Deletexo
When did we have time to drink? You, my dear, have made yourself a meaningful life from the ashes of drinking and it is thriving. Your blog and your stories are like walking past a well tended rose garden and stopping to admire it and catch the sweet smell on the breeze.
ReplyDeleteI am trying, Kary May!
DeleteThat was a really poetic comment!!
Thank you!
xo
Wow Kary May what a comment indeed. This does sum up Wendy's blog perfectly. You wordsmith you! Wendy my comment will be like old stewed coffee in comparison now 😞
DeleteIt's not so scary!
ReplyDeleteMost of the time, my head makes things way worse than they are.
xo
That's my mom's favorite place to walk too. I always look forward to your posts. They make me happy.
ReplyDeleteI love Centennial Lakes Park!!
DeleteThank you, Lori!
xo
You are so inspiring. It makes me sigh...
ReplyDeleteEvery sober day is a gift of possibility. How unexpected!
I'll be praying for your hubby.
Anne
It is!
DeleteI must remember that, even the grey days aren't as bad anymore!!
Thank you for your prayers!
xo
I don't want to repeat the word "inspiring" but there is no better way to describe your posts. You are my lighthouse Wendy. Thank you for continuing to share.
ReplyDeleteSO x
Dear SO,
DeleteThank you for helping me on this journey! And thank you for your kind words!
xo
I gave been away from the blogging world just because like you I have been filling my days with stuff to do. I am back into reading voraciously and have read more books in the last few weeks than few years. I am jealous that you can always turn out a well thought out post that encompasses what we all want and NEED to read to know there is light ahead. I am only on 134 days but feel the wealth of opportunity is ahead, not missed because I was drinking.
ReplyDeleteI do hope all goes well for hubs and he recovers quickly and that there is nothing of concern to follow. The hardest thing for now will be the wait and the worry. One day at a time is all that can get you through that too. Big hugs to you both.
Oh, I haven't been reading as much as I like because summer and fall have been beautiful here!
DeleteBut winter is coming, so more reading ahead!
Life is becoming what it was meant to be before I started drinking!
I am SO glad to hear from you, and that you are 134 days!!
Thank you, Ginger!
xo