Wednesday, May 25, 2016

I'm Still Here!

Dear Readers,
I am very sorry I have not been able to connect with all of you!
My 91 year old mother fell, and I am in Wisconsin helping her recover.
The good news is, she is doing very well, and didn't break anything.
She had an infection and was hospitalized for several days, but she is very strong. She is highly independent, and still plays her violin.

The other good news is, I have had no desire to drink while I have been here.
I am actually very glad I am not drinking so I can be fully present to take care of her.
Such a gift to not be drinking.

My anxiety levels were off the roof before I came, as I was unsure if I could manage things by myself, as I am alone with her for a week. But I figured everything out with the help of my family and my mom. 

On top of this, I am having problems and the doctors think it might be small kidney stones.
But I am not at home, so I am relying on urgent care. 
And then, on top of that, my mother is moving to Idaho to live close to my brother, so we are cleaning out a house, packing, selling, and all of those fun things!

So things are not dull here.

Many of you might have read that Wisconsin, my home state, has the highest amount of drunken cities in the US. I am not surprised. We have bars on every corner of the state. You can read the article here

I will try to catch up on some blogs, but I might not get to all of them until next week.
Thank you, Ginger (Groundhog Girl) for asking about my whereabouts!!

Love to all of you!

On Day 629,

Thursday, May 12, 2016


Dear Readers,
I am reading a book by Toni Bernhard, called, How to be Sick; A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers. 

I am reading this book as a way to continue on my path of healing with the loss of hearing music and being able to play my guitar and piano. It is also helping me with how I approach my body as I get older. My body is hurting a lot these days. And it is keeping me from doing some of the things I love. But I am understanding this is part of life. I can do other things! I am adaptable.
I am also learning it's not all or nothing.
Maybe I can't play a whole game of golf, but I can play for some of the holes!

Today I am living life softly.
I used to hold on to things so tightly.
I would ruminate for hours.
My feelings would get hurt very easily.
I would over-react to things and events.
I was very hard on myself, and that sometimes made me hard on other people.

One of the great things I have learned in AA meetings and the steps is how to stop thinking only about myself and my problems. I am learning to let go of being so self-centered.
I am learning to live a little bit easier, and let other people live a little bit easier.
I don't know if I could have learned these things while drinking, as it would have kept me in the "poor me" loop.

To live a life of ease means I stop and think.
I breathe.
I think through what I want to say.
I keep letting go of all the things I have no control over.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I just pray a simple prayer: 
"May I live this day with ease, peace and joy. May I be the best person I can today.
May I spread this day with happiness."

With Much love,
On Day 616,

Thursday, May 5, 2016

True Happiness

Dear Readers,
Yesterday, I experienced a moment of pure joy.
And in that moment the thought came to me that I am happily recovering from drinking.
I love it when I have this deep down feeling of contentment and joy.
It is a gift.
And when I experience it, I try to keep the feeling very close to my heart.

I love to have fun.
When I was drinking, I was looking for fun and excitement.
I wanted to be invited to all the parties. (As long as there was wine.)
I wanted to go anywhere where there was alcohol because that was going to be fun.
Soon, I needed a higher amount of fun, and drinking more became one way I was trying to meet this need.

But, I am learning that although I need fun to be happy, fun is not happiness.
I need some fun in my life to keep me mentally healthy, like going to a ball game, or to a movie.
But these fun things alone do not make me happy.

I am happiest when I am living my life based on my values.
If I value my husband, then I meet him with a smile on my face when he gets home. 
If I value my friends and family, I call them, listen to them, and help them with problems.
If I value my house, I clean it.
If I value helping other people in recovery, I go to meetings, and I give support to fellow bloggers.

When I do these things?
I am happy.
I think I always confused fun with happiness.

Alcohol is a liar. It promised I would have so much fun, and instead delivered pain and sadness.
Drinking took away my happiness. 
I was not living true to many of my values when I was drinking.

But now, recovery is bringing me a real sense of happiness.
And fun!

On 20 Months and 1 day

Sunday, May 1, 2016

I Am Not Spam

Dear Word Press Bloggers,
I have been trying to leave comments on your blogs, but they are not posting.
I have a message into the security company that monitors spam on Word Press.

Until I hear back from them, I was wondering if you could check your spam folder the next time you are on your site, and see if I am in there?
If I am, can you please un-spam me?

I am feeling bummed that I can't leave comments!
I am reading your posts, however!
I hope Word Press fixes this soon!

With Love,
On Day 605