Hope

Dear Readers,
Addiction is tough. It kept me lost, and in denial for many years.
I refused to believe I had a problem. I refused to believe that I couldn't moderate.
I refused to believe my husband who told me I had to stop drinking.
Even after having to go to the hospital after drinking all day, and passing out, I refused to believe I had a problem.
Even after coming home drunk, falling down that stairs, I refused to believe I had a problem.
Even after falling down at a broadway play, I refused to believe I had a problem.

I am not sure why one day I was able to stop, why one day I was sober for another day, or why one day I had hope.
I had hope I could keep going.
I had hope that things would get better, that cravings would stop, that I wouldn't feel so strange at parties, that life would seem less difficult.

I had hope that I could find the pieces I had missing inside of me, that I would find my way back to Wendy, or discover a new part of me. 

And these things are happening. 
I am finding my way back home. 
I am no longer in denial, and I have hope that each day something good will happen. 

I have met so many people who are in recovery from both drugs and alcohol, and each one of them teach me something, each one shows me what hope looks like. Their lives all have hope, an expectation that things will be okay. They show me what hope looks like, even when things are overwhelmingly hard.

They take life as they do recovery, one day, one moment at a time.
They teach me that hope and gratitude go hand in hand. They are so grateful for all they have even if they have little, grateful for all the good things that happen in a day.

I have hope now. I had lost that when I was drinking. 
There is hope for everyone who is struggling. 
I often hear people say, "We can and do recover."
I see that every day. I read blogs that show me this every day.

I close with this quote, from a poet who writes children's poems, one I often read to my students when I was teaching.

Listen to the mustn't, child. 
Listen to the don'ts. 
Listen to the shouldn't, the impossibles, the won'ts. 
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... 
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” 

With Hope, Love and Gratitude,
On Day 1,087,
Wendy

Comments

  1. What a beautiful post and you are so right Wendy!

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    1. Thank you!
      I am so glad to hear from you!
      xo

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  2. Another wonderful post Wendy and I love the poem at the end :) x

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  3. Always lovely to read your posts dear Wendy. From where I stand I am thinking all your hope came true: you foundare finding the pieces missing inside and your my way back to Wendy. I am happy for you. :-)
    xx, Feeling

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    1. Thank you, Feeling!! Sometimes I get stuck in the "I should be doing more" mode!
      xo

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    2. Yeah, same here. Well, about me that is. :-) All people I know do more with their life than I currently. I trust at some point I will get absolutely bored with what I do (not do) and the scales will tip. Or not. Currently into juicing again, this makes me feel good, next thing what happens is that I start reading again, and shut down the computer at a decent time. What would a woman who loves herself do?
      xx, Feeling

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  4. "I have hope that each day something good will happen..." Bam. Thank you for you!

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  5. You do such a good job with every post, Wendy. BUt I do think this is one of the most inspiring and helpful things I,ve ever read from you. So much hope and strength and encouragement held out to others.....I hope it will be even more widely read and spread than your other pieces. Lovely job!

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    1. Thank you so much!!
      I really do hope to inspire other people!
      xo

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  6. Such a lovely post. Everyone just said exactly what I am thinking.

    I complain often about being partner-less and have three beautiful children. You have a beautiful partner yet haven't had children - I felt very selfish the other night thinking of how positive you are when things haven't always gone exactly as you had planned.

    What a brave wonderful woman you are Wendy. A ray of hope to us all.

    Thanks again Wendy
    Michelle xxxx

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    1. Oh no! You are making me cry again!! In a good way!!
      Also, I can be very crabby at times, too!! 🙆
      xo

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  7. I love this post! I loved it yesterday morning when I read it and last night when I was hiding behind the open refridge door sneaking a drink, the line "I refused to believe" ran through my head. So for today, I will try not to drink. Thank you for sharing this!

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    1. I used to sneak drinks, too.
      I had to break through the denial before I could begin to heal.
      I also needed to shore up support.
      I wish you peace today.
      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
      xo

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  8. Beautiful and hope-filled. Thank you Wendy! <3

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  9. I just found your blog through twitter. Thanks for sharing your journey. I have been amazed to find women like me here in the blog world. I am just getting started on this journey...Day 11. I'm reading a lot and seeking support and encouragement. I also find comfort in writing down my thoughts and feelings and so I made my first post today at www.learningtounwine.blogspot.com

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  10. Hope brings the light back into life.
    Beautiful...
    Anne

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