Here I Am!
Dear Readers,
I haven't posted much lately, so I thought I would just catch up with you, and tell you where my thoughts, feelings and body have been!
A few weeks ago, I was feeling a bit manic, crying easily, and having stronger urges to drink that I was keeping alive for too long. I had been trying to cut down on my anti-depressant, and I know that is the reason I was feeling that way. I went back up to my normal amount and feel really good ever since.
I have been on these drugs for so many years, I think my brain just needs them now.
When I had those thoughts, I told my Twitter friends, so that I wouldn't keep the hidden and get support. (You can find me on Twitter at @untipsyteacher.)
It's very important to my recovery to be open about any thoughts I have about drinking. No more hiding!
I also had some really hard times with food triggers, and my weight has been all over the place. Pizza and salty foods are the worse, and once I start having those, I can't stop eating. I started night binging for a couple of days.
I am realizing that for some reason, at this time, I have to have some abstinence with certain foods. I am learning to carry fruit and seeds with me for snacks, so I don't get too hungry. Maybe it's because I am old..er, (LOL), and my body has changed, but salt seems to wreck havoc with me.
But that too has calmed down, and I started eating way more fruits and veggies and whole grains, and just a bit of chicken or eggs, and I feel so much better.
In other big news, I went in to the University of Minnesota, to talk to them about getting a second cochlear implant. I qualify with no problem, so I am waiting to see if my insurance company will cover it.
I really want to be able to hear with my other ear, and from all I read, people are happier and can hear better with bilateral implants.
There are a few concerns about having the operation, of course, as I could get dizziness which is usually temporary, and the little bit of natural noises I can hear will be lost.
Hubs and I are good! We are going to a fun art and music festival tonight!
We continue to take walks, and last week went on our first bike ride!
I get to yoga about 2 times a week, and take myself out walking on other days.
I am golfing.
My body seems strong.
Recovery is joyful for me! I know without a doubt, I would not be as happy as I am today, think as clearly as I do, if I was still drinking.
When I lost my hearing, and music, I turned to taking nature photos. I just use my phone, but I love seeing all the colors, shapes, and patterns in nature.
So I am posting a few of my favorite for you today.
Please feel free to tell me how you are doing, and I thank all of you who are reading, and sending love to all of you who are struggling.
With Colors of Spring,
On Day 1352,
Wendy
I haven't posted much lately, so I thought I would just catch up with you, and tell you where my thoughts, feelings and body have been!
A few weeks ago, I was feeling a bit manic, crying easily, and having stronger urges to drink that I was keeping alive for too long. I had been trying to cut down on my anti-depressant, and I know that is the reason I was feeling that way. I went back up to my normal amount and feel really good ever since.
I have been on these drugs for so many years, I think my brain just needs them now.
When I had those thoughts, I told my Twitter friends, so that I wouldn't keep the hidden and get support. (You can find me on Twitter at @untipsyteacher.)
It's very important to my recovery to be open about any thoughts I have about drinking. No more hiding!
I also had some really hard times with food triggers, and my weight has been all over the place. Pizza and salty foods are the worse, and once I start having those, I can't stop eating. I started night binging for a couple of days.
I am realizing that for some reason, at this time, I have to have some abstinence with certain foods. I am learning to carry fruit and seeds with me for snacks, so I don't get too hungry. Maybe it's because I am old..er, (LOL), and my body has changed, but salt seems to wreck havoc with me.
But that too has calmed down, and I started eating way more fruits and veggies and whole grains, and just a bit of chicken or eggs, and I feel so much better.
In other big news, I went in to the University of Minnesota, to talk to them about getting a second cochlear implant. I qualify with no problem, so I am waiting to see if my insurance company will cover it.
I really want to be able to hear with my other ear, and from all I read, people are happier and can hear better with bilateral implants.
There are a few concerns about having the operation, of course, as I could get dizziness which is usually temporary, and the little bit of natural noises I can hear will be lost.
Hubs and I are good! We are going to a fun art and music festival tonight!
We continue to take walks, and last week went on our first bike ride!
I get to yoga about 2 times a week, and take myself out walking on other days.
I am golfing.
My body seems strong.
Recovery is joyful for me! I know without a doubt, I would not be as happy as I am today, think as clearly as I do, if I was still drinking.
When I lost my hearing, and music, I turned to taking nature photos. I just use my phone, but I love seeing all the colors, shapes, and patterns in nature.
So I am posting a few of my favorite for you today.
Please feel free to tell me how you are doing, and I thank all of you who are reading, and sending love to all of you who are struggling.
On Day 1352,
Wendy
Wendy, I am running out of superlatives for you! You are just wonderful!! (Oh, and I am doing great! The move has been good so far and we feel like we did the right thing!!) Thanks for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteOh, I’m really glad about the move, HD! Moving, making new friends can be hard.
DeleteBig hugs!
xo
Hi Wendy,
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you have been experiencing these ups and downs so extremely. Wonderful that you are so open about this. We have all grown up ith too many dark secrets and unheard and unanswered emotions. Not good. Night binging must be very uncomfortable. Glad you are in a better place now.
xx, Feeling
Thank you, Feeling! I am. Learned my lesson about cutting down on meds, I guess! I even went dancing last night!
Deletexo
Yay!!!
DeleteHi Wendy! Beautiful pics from a beautiful woman. I've had quite an aversion to anything blog-related the past couple of months- writing, reading and commenting. I have a love/hate relationship with technology. Just want to be outside in our natural world. Connecting with people I can touch. You are so good about checking in- I've been thinking a lot about how I just tend to disappear instead of posting something, anything, however trivial, just to let this community I've become part of know I'm still here. But you know there really aren't many left of my "core" blogger friends and I have this mindset (old garbage) that tells me "I don't matter. Who really cares about me?" What a bunch of BS! But I have come to realize that it is courteous and considerate to NOT just disappear. Disappearing is selfish. So I'm a gonna' work on that one! I am still here in sober land and will have 1 year June 20th! I'm going to go into the cheese shop and thank my old boss for my year of sobriety. He saved my life twice- once when he hired me and then when he fired me! Good to see you my friend. I'm a big fan.
ReplyDeleteLove you lots,
Elizabeth (Withoutthewhine)
I think it is good to live a "real" life! In fact, recovery should be all about that! I am so happy you are coming up to your year one!! That is just wonderful, Elizabeth! Thank you for having a catch up with me!
Deletexo
Wendy, we seem to have some parallel issues. I have to go cold turkey on sweets and simple carbs (bread, pasta, etc.). One cookie eventually leads to Frosties for dinner. And the measly 5 mg of citolpram I take is here to stay. My doctor said it's not enough to affect a child, but I'm telling you, my brain can't give it up. Why put myself through it?
ReplyDeleteBut you look great, despite your temporary lull, and I always appreciate the photos. š
xoxo, Shawna
Thank you, Shawna! I am loving the new way I am eating, and the foods, and to be honest, haven't missed anything. Especially how yucky I feel after binging. I know the longer we are on the meds, the harder it is to get off, and I am not sure why I think I have to try!
DeleteSisters we are, and I am so glad we are in this together!
xo
So glad you are back posting! I too am on an anti-depressant and have tried going off it before only to jump right back on after feeling cruddy. The eating thing has been affecting me as well. I’ve been sober since December 30th of last year and sugar has kind of gotten a bit out of control. Yesterday I wanted a beer really badly because it was so gorgeous outside, but settled for home popped buttered popcorn and candy peach rings, lol! Keep on keepin’ on! You’re fabulous!!
ReplyDeleteYay on your sobriety!! It is better to eat than drink, that's for sure! In fact, I have to keep myself from getting too hungry, myself! Thank you so much for letting me know how you are doing!! Sober rocks!!
Deletexo
Remarkable post as ever Wendy. Your bravery facing your issues is an example to me. Good luck
ReplyDeleteGraham, I am just honored to know you, and I wish I could have heard your music before I lost my hearing! I am wishing you nothing but the best for your healing, and your hearing aid!
Deletexo
Gorgeous pics, thanks so much for sharing!! So sorry you’re struggling but I am glad that you have plenty of supports. Darn antidepressants! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop taking mine, either. Glad that the cochlear implant process is moving along! Let us know how it all works out. You’re awesome, and such an inspiration, Wendy! ššš
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! xoxo
Delete