Tuesday, January 24, 2017

This is the Face of Recovery


Much Love Here!
Dear Readers,
I am one of the many faces of recovery.
The photo of Mr. UT and me shows the feeling I have of being sober.

People can and do recover.
I am no longer ashamed of myself and my drinking. I am very happy I quit, because if I had continued I know the consequences would have gotten worse.


Lately I have had some self-pity, feelings of being left out in a group, where I am not included. I acted out some of these feelings by crying and telling different people, (ones I felt safe with), that I didn't belong in the group. I felt ashamed of the feelings of being left out, and then felt more shame by crying to the other people. 


Dancing Sober is Super Fun!
It's hard to accept reality, and it's hard to let go of feeling like a victim.
But this has been a story I have carried for far too long, one I really want to let go of.

So today, as a strong sober woman, who is loved by many, I declare myself free of this story. 
I have decided to show my wonderful friends and family more love, to be less passive.

The dancing picture shows me at a music fundraiser for the Steve Rummel Hope Foundation, where I volunteer! I really enjoyed this night, and I even could hear the beat of the band so I could dance!

I am the face of recovery, one of many.
We are strong and courageous.
I almost forgot that during my self-pity time.
I almost forgot that my purpose is to show other people how great being sober can be, to help other people in recovery, and to just be happy.

I want to continue on dancing through this life, with all the ups and downs, with all the pain and delight, showing everyone that this is recovery.

With A Big Thank You for Your Friendship,
On Day 873,
Wendy

36 comments:

  1. You are such a HUGE inspiration to me! I think we all have known the feeling of being "left out" and it hurts. Interestingly, I have had this happen to me just recently and I find that it hurts way more sober. I suppose I "masked" those feelings with wine when I was drinking...but the good news about that is, I am learning to deal with how I feel rather than drinking away the feelings. I am getting better and better at handling my emotions. This part says it all for me: "It's hard to accept reality, and it's hard to let go of feeling like a victim.
    But this has been a story I have carried for far too long, one I really want to let go of." Thank you UT! As I approach a year sober, please know how much your blog has helped me and still continues to do so! xo

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    1. Dear Sober at 53,
      Thank you so very much for you kind comment!
      It is my hope I can inspire other people to get and stay sober.
      I too, have learned how to deal with emotions better, but this caught me by surprise. It was deep pain I felt. Mr. UT helped me see things in a number of different ways.
      xo
      xo

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  2. Its so great that you are coming through those feelings and you really are helping so many with your blog and your support and your honesty. Thank you for such a wonderful post and know you really are a part of something and we do all appreciate you.

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    1. Thank you, Mrs. S,
      It was partly feelings of rejection, which I didn't make clear in my post.
      But what I have to ask myself...What lessons can I learn?
      I am so happy to be part of this wonderful world of sober bloggers!
      xo

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  3. And what a great face it is! Thank you for this post and for being you. I think we all have the feeling of being left out from time to time. I know I do, and it takes me back to my high school days. Often when I'm left out of something I get upset, but then think honestly that I wouldn't have wanted to go anyway. I'm glad you are feeling better now! X

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    1. Dear PDTG,
      I will continue to learn how to validate myself, rather than look outwards so much.
      xo

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  4. You were honest. That is a huge and brave step. I have felt that way many times. It's interesting how when we say it out loud it becomes less powerful. Honesty is freeing.
    It is ok to feel lonely. And to want attention. I hope you took what was offered in the class and recognized that there is love available everywhere.

    You and your husband make me happy. He looks so filled wih joy, and I know the two of you must have a lovely life.

    I practice a meditation where I imagine myself in,y bed, cozy, warm and sleepy. It brings up the feeling of complete security and fulfillment. It helps me.

    Love to you!

    Anne

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    1. Oh, I love that mediation!
      I have YET to re-start my practice. I did so for many years.
      And it really did help me!
      Mr. UT is really happy to have his smiling wife back.
      Not the meanie, crabby one when I was drinking!
      xo

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    2. I was mean too. I felt so hard done by.
      Just start with one minute in the morning before you get out of bed. From there, the sky is the limit.

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    3. Ok!
      I will commit to that starting on Friday!
      xo

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  5. Wendy We all need new scripts for some element of the story that we tell ourselves story and you are a brave and courageous women for sharing yours! Much love from this side of the pond :) xx

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    1. Thank you, Lou!
      I can feel the hugs even now!
      xo

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  6. Oh Wendy - I'm so sorry to hear you've been in a situation where you felt rejected and sad - it just makes me wish I could give you a massive, real hug! You are such a wonderful cyber-friend and supporter to me and so many others. I'm sending you a virtual hug. I like Anne's suggestion above re the meditation. Made me feel secure just reading it ;-) Much love to you. Red xx

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    1. Hi Red!
      I hope the Redlets are all well.
      I know those little ones carry lots of viruses!
      Thank you, and I hug you back!!
      xo

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  7. Like the other commenters I too have felt like this and even get told off by my teen "enough of the pity party mom". You are right that it is a story/script and one from childhood I imagine. I am glad you are putting it to bed but I would encourage you to do it with a loving nurturing voice. If you are interested there is an excellent book called Reinventing Your Life that shows you the different archetypes/personalities that we form to cope with upsets when we are developing. No worries if it's not something you are interested in.
    Your purpose is to show us all how great sober can be and you have been doing that all along. You support so many people all the time and if we were all to meet IRL all of us would embrace you in our big friendship, you are still a friend to us but that is hard to feel sometimes through the old www. Big hugs

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    1. The book sound very interesting, Ginger!
      Thank you!
      I just surprised this came up so strongly recently, and even today my feelings are strong.
      I thought I conquered this.
      I know some of it is tied to social anxiety, my hearing, and then my old tapes.
      Ugh.
      I thought we got rid of tapes!!
      (That was a joke!!)
      xo

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  8. You are an inspiration Wendy, Big cyber hugs to you x

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    1. Thank you so much, Flossie!
      I love hugs!
      xo

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  9. I declare myself free of this story.
    That is a strong statement and you will do it - I have no doubt.
    I also don't think we completely get over anything, it may come and go during our life and it makes us who we are. Feelings that raise their ugly head are maybe just reminders x ?

    I find it is so easy to feel that I are good enough, that others fit in better, that I am OK but not as popular as others in a group. That each group I try (PTA, exercise class, some social events) I don't get as many people wanting to hang around me :) I have recently accepted that that is me and my lack of confidence. It is like people can smell it, but you know what? I had a really good think about it and I have figured out this:

    When I was drinking and confident - people loved hanging around me at a party. Then when I was sober it was like "hey where is the fun Michelle". In fairness I am quite a serious person who lacks confidence.
    In working environments I have much confidence and have many people wanting to talk to me and do things socially. So I have figured out that perhaps it comes from within.
    I need to have more confidence and believe in myself in the other situations. This includes not doing my "over-talking when I am nervous" scenario and apologising all the time.

    Now that I realise change is possible I can tackle this one when I am ready.

    I want you to know Wendy that you have helped me tremendously over my almost 3 months. You do not lie and hide who you are, you show yourself and this turns both your strengths and vulnerabilities into someone I have lent on to help me.

    thank you dear Wendy -
    Michellexx

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    1. Thank you so much, Michell.
      I am going to work on this, as the feelings are raw for some reason.
      You have me thinking..I used think I was an extrovert, but in reality, I am more of an introvert than I thought.
      My problems come when I compare myself to other people, and in fact probably have an approval "addiction".
      And if I allow the feelings to come up, but realize, and this is important, that feelings are not always the facts.
      I also agree with you that the same feelings do come and go over our lifetime. The feeling of being left out is a very old story, going back to when I was a child.
      I never had many friends, and I was not in the "in" groups.
      But I had friends, and in high school I had good friends.
      And of course, that is where I met Mr. UT!
      I thank you, back because you have been an inspiration to me as well!
      xo

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  10. So glad you are in touch with those feelings though and can express them - not suppress them with booze. That is what I did for so so long.

    I've been feeling down lately. Just feel it is too hard to just cope with all that is going on lately. But again it is no excuse for a drink and I should acknowledge and look at those feelings and decide what I can do about any of it - if anything. One thing is clear though - drink is not an option.

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    1. Thank you, Graham.
      You are right..in my drinking days, I would have gone right to a bar and drink to wash them away.
      I do know my depression has been bad lately, because I can't sleep.
      The only thing I can do is to realize that these feelings are not necessarily based in truth, and even if it's somewhat true, there are things I can do to help myself.
      I can focus on the people who do love me.
      I can start mediation, which used to help me a lot.
      I hope you have some sun over there, because we have nothing but clouds all week.
      xo

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  11. Hey, lady!That kind of feeling has been going through the sober- blogging community, and writing about these things will not only help you, but also so many others that you may never know about. I think you're doing great! Sometimes I have to remind myself "Feelings aren't facts". ❤

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    1. Yes, they aren't.
      I often think something must be true because I feel it, when I was way off base!
      Thank you, Abby!
      xo

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  12. You are awesome and very valued in this community.

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    1. Thank you, SI!
      We are all in this together!!
      It's crazy and so amazingly beautiful at the same time!
      xo

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  13. I love that!!!!! "I declare myself free of this story" You are a strong sober woman and such an inspration to me. Much much love to you xxxx

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    1. Well, I'm not quite free, but I'm working on it!
      Thank you, Hurrah!
      xo

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  14. Wendy, you have such a beautiful smile and even more beautiful spirit! I love that pic of you and Mr UT <3
    You are one of the ones who has been there showing me unwavering support, encouragement and kindness right from the very beginning of my journey and I am more grateful to you than you will ever know.
    I am sorry to hear that you were treated that way. I just saw a quote the other day from Mary Tyler Moore "You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you". I feel like sometimes the things that we go through help us to be brave, and empathetic and kind to others even thought it feels completely unfair to us to have to go through them. You are an amazing inspiration to me and many others, so keep on smiling chickie :)

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    1. Oh, I love that I'm a chickie!
      Makes me feel like 30 or something!
      I also need to realize the world does not revolve around me.
      Thank you, SHBTG!
      I love that quote by MTM.
      xo

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  15. A lovely face of recovery! So glad you're free of the story! xx

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    1. Thank you, Lori!
      I hope things are going well for you!
      I'm not entirely free, but I am working on it.
      xo

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  16. Beautiful photo of the two of you. :-) And that one of you dancing too of course. Showing off your gorgeous sober body! Beautiful. <3 I am happy for you. :-)
    xx, Feeling

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    1. Thank you, Feeling!
      We are like newlyweds!!
      We are both softer.
      Thank you for helping me on this journey!!
      xo

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  17. You are beaming! Both in smile and soul. I've had a rough afternoon. I live nearby DC. As you know I'm just a teacher, but the political climate is really tough right know. So much dissidence and panic.

    It really helped to read this post and be reminded of the simple pleasure that is sobriety. Thank you for that UT

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    1. Hi Mark!
      I am sorry you had rough afternoon.
      I go from ignoring all the news, to despair, to anger, and helplessness.
      Hubs tries to keep me calm.
      I am SO happy I am not drinking through all of this, that's for sure!
      xo

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