I am at my favorite coffee shop, where seem to be able to write the best.
My home is too comfortable, and I can distract myself too easily.
I take anti-depressants, use a happy light, exercise and do all of the things that are supposed to help.
I am also suffering from a lack of sleep, now going on for over 8 months.
I think this is making my depression come back with a vengance.
I am seeing a sleep psychologist.
He has started me on a strict sleep deprivation cycle which slowly resets your sleep cycle.
I am up to 6 hours of sleep a night.
I was getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep, so I am going in the right direction.
This takes a lot of time, but I am very motivated to make this work.
It's hard for me to read social cues, and combined with my hearing loss, it makes any kind of social situation with more than one person very hard. I misread people, and I don't always understand how groups work, which also leads to depressed feelings and thoughts.
I also get depressed when I am sick, and I have been sick for over 2 weeks.
I am crying as I write this, because I made a fool out of myself at yoga today, due to my depression and inability to read social cues.
But strangely, I also feel better just writing about this.
Writing is healing. I must remember this, and write sooner when I am feeling this way.
I often think I must have a theme or something profound to write, but I fail to remember that by writing about my depression, I might be able to help someone else.
I know that my depressed thoughts are not reality. I think depression is a combination of body and mind not in balance.
To help myself today, I will go for a walk in the sunshine with hubs.
(We have some today!!)
There are times I just can't seem to control this disease.
I guess I have to accept that as well.
And so I pray for all of the people who live with depression.
You are not alone.
On Day 905,