Tuesday, October 3, 2017

I Sing Red Leaves

Dear Readers,
I will be 37 months sober on October 4.
There is nothing I am more grateful for than being sober today.

Mr. UT and I thank you all so very much for your kind words, love, and prayers!

The good news is the lung doctor does not think I have any lung disease. He said the ER radiologist "over-read" the chest X-ray.
I will have a CT scan, and he will wait until he sees that to make final decision, but hubs and I are 80% hopeful!
Of course, we will still have to figure out what is going on with my breathing, but at least it seems we have eliminated all of the major bad things! 
It was a lesson learned, to wait until I have more information before I freak out.

Which is the hardest thing in the world for me...to stay present, and not project into the future.
The future is fantasy. 
I can plan for it, but how it turns out is out of my control.
I can plan trips, save money, look forward to spending time with hubs, but in the end, I know trips might be canceled, money spent elsewhere, and hubs might have to work longer than I thought.
I just don't know.

What I do know is, I want to be aware of the here and now. 
I want to pay attention to things that matter. 
I want to check up on friends and family and make sure they know they are loved.
To be sure hubs knows how much I appreciate him and all that he does for me.
To really listen to people before I jump in to offer advice.
To be grateful I have a roof and food today.
To make the bed and do the dishes.
To embrace the rainy and the sunshine day.
To say thank you to people.
To smile.
To be my highest self, today, right now.

I wrote a poem last week, when I was feeling a bit down about not being able to hear music. 
But I am so grateful I was able to get a cochlear implant so I can hear words. I can talk to people! What a wonderful invention! How lucky and grateful I am that I have health insurance that paid for this.
I have hope that someday the makers of the implant can make better software so I can hear music again, but if not?
I am still grateful. 
From One of My Many Walks!

I Sing Red Leaves

There is no music left in my ears,

There are only strange noises, 
That come out of the radio,
Like sticks banging and alien songs.

There is no music in my guitar,

Or piano anymore,
They don't speak to me in a
Language I understand.

Some days I cry,

Some days I can accept,
That my music lies somewhere else,
That my songs are of a different color.

Not deaf to all,

I hear music of good things,
I hear the beauty of nature,
I hear the sweet touches from my love.

Not deaf to the songs, 

That still sing in my head.

Can I not sing these in gratitude,

To all that I have?

I sing red leaves and blue sky,

I sing love and memories,
Some days I cry,
Some days I say yes.


With Hope and Love, 
On Day 1,124,
Wendy

PS - My friend in recovery, Dan Maurer, who writes the Transformation is Real, on FB, is also an author. He has a new book out, called Endure: The Power of Spiritual Assets for Resilience to Trauma & Stressthat I have read. bit.ly/ENDURE-Book


It's a beautiful book, with stories of people who have gone through different traumas and yet, are resilient.  In the book, Dan reminds us to focus on spiritual assets that will help with the stress; honesty, acceptance, gratitude, hope, faith and love.

23 comments:

  1. What wonderful thoughts your poem expresses! So glad you shared. And.......so happy to hear the good news (pending😇) about the breathing. Sometimes, it's hard to know who to believe! Fingers crossed for the next bit of info that comes along.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I’m so glad you liked my poem!
      ❤️

      Delete
  2. I teared up reading this post. Sometimes we really have to work to be grateful, don’t we? You are a special person, Wendy. HD

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  3. Beautiful poem. And FANTASTIC news about your health. My husband developed difficulty breathing, which they thought might be late onset asthma. They ran tests that seemed to confirm this, but then it disappeared. So there's hope!
    Sorry you had to go through the trauma of an "over-read." It does get your attention, doesn't it? I had a similar thing happen, and it's amazing how much it made me value the here and now.

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    1. It really does! I’m hoping it just goes away, too.
      ❤️

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  4. Wonderful post from a wonderful person! I always find you so inspirational. Peace and big hugs :)

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  5. Beautiful, beautiful poem Wendy ❤️. I'm so happy to hear your good news from the lung specialist!! Also I love your "list" to stay aware of the here and now. And hey I can comment on your blog now!?! Maybe because you commented on my Wordpress first 🤔xo

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    1. I tried changing a setting, but other WP people still have problems.
      Thank you!
      ❤️

      Delete
  6. Yay for good news and hurrah for keeping a positive tone. Its so easy to fall down the "what if" rabbit hole. Fingers crossed for more good news!

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    1. Hi Mrs. S,
      I will check out your blog!
      ❤️

      Delete
  7. I am so happy to hear the good news! Wow, what a relieve. And yes, not sure yet but I am already celebrating a little here. :-)
    I love your poem, thank you.
    xx, Feeling

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  8. Oh, Wendy! I am so relieved to read that the lung doctor doesn't think you have lung disease. I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts. And I love this poem. Keep hope alive in your heart for all good things.

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    1. Yay! I’m so glad you liked it!
      Thank you so much!
      ❤️

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  9. Thank you for your (always) encouraging, inspirational and upbeat messages of hope. The poem is just beautiful Wendy. Love and hugs.

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    1. Thank you so much!
      I'm glad you liked it!
      ❤️

      Delete
  10. What a beautiful poem Wendy. I'm so sorry you've been having a hard time with your breathing, that sounds really frightening :( I'm happy to read the positivity in this though. You're brave and strong and an inspiration to so many people here. Hugs TOTW x

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    Replies
    1. It was really scary...but seems to be getting better!
      ❤️

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  11. So glad to hear its not lung disease. Its hard not to project into the future. I love your poem and i am so glad you are feeling better. xxx

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  12. I am so pleased to read this update from you Wendy, I have been thinking of you a lot. Love SP xxx

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