In The Beginning; Early Sobriety

Dear Readers,
My Grandma and Me!
It's finally spring in Minnesota! No more winter photos! 
The best thing about spring for me, is that I can hear birds and frogs with my cochlear implant. When I was going deaf, I lost hearing all the bird calls. Hubs would say, can you hear that? No, I'd sadly shake my head.
But now birds and frogs are my music! 
They have songs I do understand!
I think that is why I love walking outside in the woods and by our lakes so much rather than going inside with the man-made noises!

I have been approved for an implant in my other ear, and I am excited to get it. I have to meet with the surgeon first, and it's a long process. 
I know I am ready this time, and it will only be so helpful for me!

I have been reading many blogs, and talking to people on twitter, about the early days of sobriety.
To be honest, I have no idea how I got through my first months sober.
My experience is different from other people's, because my second month sober, I had my cochlear implant operation, and went into a deep depression because of that. I couldn't hear at AA meetings, but went anyway. 

My memory has never been good, (except when it comes to food), and so I am digging back deep to remember.
I was retired then, and I stayed close to my house those first months. 
I didn't start blogging until day 26, and my early posts make me cringe a bit.
However, writing my feelings were key to helping me.
I needed accountability so I slowly told family members and close friends, and finally just told everyone.
I only met friends at coffee shops at first.

It was not easy. I still carried the romance of drinking around with me. I missed it so much when hubs and I went out to dinner. I pouted. Dinner parties with good friends who still drank were the hardest. I felt as if I were missing out.
To be honest, I still can occasionally, but now my rational mind knows that is not for me anymore. I let the thoughts go.
Hubs tried to understand these feelings, but he couldn't really. 
(He stopped drinking to support me, which really helped.)

It took so much faith that life would still be fun sober. 
It took the act of slowly letting go, surrendering that I could not drink. 
It took courage.
It took honesty. No more hiding.
It took day by day thinking and doing.

I walked a lot, and took photos, which was my hobby.
I looked to people who had more sober time, and how they were loving life now.
I had to stop fighting. 
Hubs and I! We really are this happy!
I looked at my human traits that no longer served me, and I am letting them go a bit at a time. (Self-pity, loneliness, and laziness are a few.)

It also took time. Sober people often talk about not quitting before the miracle happens, and it's true! I really think it took me three years for my body and mind to heal from the drinking, going deaf, and my implant. And now? 
Everything is better!
My depression is not as deep, and is very manageable.
My anxiety only comes up for normal things, and is also manageable.
I am calmer, less reactive, more grateful, happier, and able to manage stressful situations better.
I am free from worries of driving drunk, of arguing drunk, of falling down, of all the guilt and shame. 
I have peace of mind.

I still don't think of forever when it comes to drinking. 
I just choose not to drink today. 

With Songs of Cardinals and Robins,
On Day 1328,
Wendy

Comments

  1. I'm so glad you finally got some spring! Those snow photos were a shock to us in the southern states. ; )
    And congrats on 1328 days. That's a lifetime, really. And I'm happy to say I have that peace of mind as well. (You did convict me on the laziness part though. I've just gotta break out this winter mindset.)

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    1. Ha about the winter photos!! Yes, I do have to fight myself when it comes to doing some things!
      xo

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  2. That's great brws about your implant. I hope it all goes smoothly for you. I remember when you started your blog. You have come so far and have been such a great support to me. Thank you.

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  3. Thanks so much for the inspiration, Wendy. I love your blog. You help me remember that things WILL get better, they can ONLY get better with no alcohol. I'm so happy about your implant!

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    1. It really will! I’m excited about implant, although the world will be really noisy!
      xo

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  4. Every time I see a pic of you and your hubby it makes me smile! You are the cutest! But underneath that cute veneer is a tough-as-nails spirit to be reckoned with ! You are such an inspiration of strength and recovery. Thankyou for continuing to shine such a bright light for those of us following. I just love you ❤️.

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    1. Oh, thank you, PG! I learned recovery really is a WE thing. I love all the support I have! Recovery people are the best!!
      xo

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  5. Wow, Wendy, I had no idea your implant was so early in your sober journey; that took bravery and strength. I'm so happy you are able to hear "nature's noises" and I agree they are so much better than man-made noises! I love the photo of you & your grandmother-so sweet! xx

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    1. I know that if I was still drinking when I got my implant, there is NO way I would’ve coped!
      Thank you for your support, Lori!!
      xo

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  6. I’m in Minnesota too! I think I have a bit of SAD so this spring has been really hard. The sunshine and being able to go outside makes a huge difference!

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    1. Yes!! Sunshine!! Woo Hoo on spring for us, finally!! I live in Minneapolis area!
      xo

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  7. That's so good to read Wendy, it nearly made me shed a tear and I can see how difficult it has been for you but you're so strong and I hope to be as as strong as you.My husband, unfortunately does not support me, he carries on drinking daily and that is something I have to think deeply about.You know me better on Twitter.....as TTT

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    1. Thank you s much, Tracy! I know my hubs is not the norm. He didn’t drink much, and so he didn’t have any trouble quitting. I know there are other sober bloggers struggling with their spouse still drinking. Hugs!
      xo

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  8. Wonderful that you get another cochlear! I am happy for you. Happy you can hear the birds and the frogs. :-)
    Those early early days, yup, awkward when looking back. I am very grateful we have travelled on this sober road together. 3,5 years plus :-) A lot has changed since. It is lovely to see you blossom and enjoying life. I am happy for you. Thank you for another lovely post.
    xx, Feeling

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    1. Thank you dear Feeling! We have been sober buddies a long time! Thank you for your support and love!
      xo

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  9. Hello my friend! Thank you so much for sharing this story. I am so happy for you, and glad for you sharing your story with us.

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    1. I hope you are well! Thank you so much!
      xo

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  10. Absolutely love the picture of you with your grandmother! So precious. I have birds which build nest in my backyard every year and I love the singing and carrying on they do. I'm happy you are experiencing this again. Thank you for sharing your story, on the early days, it helps me to know faith is what I need to hold on to, until the day it becomes the truth for me, that drinking is not something I do. I'm day-by-day right now, some better than others, and it's hard still, but it's still early in my journey. I hope to be like you one day! And good luck with the next ear implant. I'm sure it will all be just fine!!

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    1. Lia, it is hard. Anyone who is trying to quit, or have quit, are as the saying goes, Rock Stars!
      I just look at my past drinking, and realize it had ceased being fun, knowing I tried to moderate and could not, so drinking is not an option for me.
      I used to drink, now I don't.
      I used to do a lot of things, and now I don't.
      Hang on, and keep looking for all the positive things about staying sober!
      xo

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