Everyday Life
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| Cold and Wild! |
Mr. UT has been retired for a few weeks now, and it seems as he is just on a long vacation. We went up to Northern Minnesota for a few days, and had a wonderful time hiking! Now, though, I am sitting in bed writing, and Mr. UT has brought me another coffee, as he does every day now. I am not complaining!
I have been struggling to think of topics to write about, as I have been feeling a greater sense of peace these days.
A contentment, that I didn't have when I was younger or drinking.
Not because life is by any means perfect, or that I am not angry at the injustice in the world, but because I am finally understanding these words:
“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid.” - Buchner
People I love have died. I have lost my hearing. People I know have lost sons and daughters. People I love have had divorce, deaths, sickness, job loss, money problems, and mental health issues.
And yet, I still love.
People I love still love.
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| Minnesota Beauty |
That really is the best gift we can give life, to love during the good and terrible things.
My cochlear implant operation is next Wednesday, and I am both scared and excited about it! Scared because I will lose the little bit of natural sounds I have left in my left ear, and excited because I will be able to hear better when I have two implants! If you want to know more, you can read my post that helps explain this. Can I Hear You Now
I was grieving for my loss of music, the other day. I started crying and couldn't stop. After a good long cry, I felt whole again. This loss still stays in me, and I understand it will be triggered once in a while. (In this case by the movie, A Star is Born.)
This song I wrote when I was sad I could't sleep that night, describes my raw feelings.
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| Soft Colors of the Forest! |
Where is my music?
Where can I find you?
You've been missing,
Far too long.
Where is my voice now?
My piano?
How do I sing you,
My love songs?
Where is the melody?
I can't hear me.
I can't hear you,
Your love songs.
Where is my music?
Where can I find you?
You've been missing,
Far too long.
And yet, I am happy.
I have the colors of nature around me to sustain me.
I have the love of so many people, some I have never met, to sustain me.
I have coffee, delivered to my bedside by a handsome waiter!
And I can love.
With a Wild and Crazy Wind,
On Day 1507,
Wendy
Best of luck on your upcoming surgery. You GOT this!! I will be sending good metta next Wednesday to a most beautiful soul - you!! Hugs, Audrey
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to hear from you, Wendy! Your trip up north sounds divine, and I'm so glad that you and Mr. UT are settling into dual retired life so smoothly. Good luck with the second implant! I am reminded of something a prosthesis guy ( prosthesitist?) said to me once. He started out his career working with, by default, adults. After some years of spending so much time with bitter, angry people, he switched to making prosthetics for kids. One might think that it would be more emotionally difficult to work with kids who'd lost a limb, but he said that when you'd have their prosthetic all built and fit and on they were like WHEEEEE!! and would be out the door and back playing. As adults we don't usually deal that well with loss of functionality. This is all to say thank you, Wendy, for being so open and articulate about your cochlear implant and for showing such honesty and courage on this page -- and grace toward yourself and the world. Hugs!! Adrian
ReplyDeleteThank you, Adrian! I understand this! It’s why I am joyful about life most of the time!
Deletexo
Hi Wendy. I love your hiking trips and Mr. UT. Congrats on his retirement. Thank you for sharing about your cochlear implants. I wish you all of the best for this next surgery. You are a beautiful, wise and tender woman -- the grace you carry gives me so much peace because as your quote so wonderfully states, our lives are full of beautiful and terrible. It's how we respond that counts and fear has no place. I just want to share that I've recently met a stunning young man (my son's college roommate) who has had cochlear implants since birth. It was then that I really learned about the miracle of this technology. I'm so happy you will have that so you can continue to hear well. This young man does beautifully. He is such an inspiration. And you are too. I love you even though we've never met. You have been a beacon of inspiration, support and the communicator of wise words via your writing. I look forward to continuing. Let us know how it goes. xo Diana
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Diana! I am so glad I can keep hearing, too!
Deletexo
A beautiful song, Wendy. I'll be thinking of you Wednesday! xx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lori!
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All the best on Wednesday Wendy, I’ll be thinking of you ��
ReplyDeleteThank you, Deborah!
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Hi Wendy. Your post is beautiful. I loved your pics too. As always, thanks for sharing and inspiring. Fall in Minnesota is truly spectacular! Sounds like I'm not the only one spoiled by the hubs bringing her coffee in bed, ha. Lucky us! I am a big believer in the power of prayer and will be praying for a successful procedure on Wednesday. Hugs and God bless! xx
ReplyDeleteWe are lucky! Thank you so much!!
Deletexo
Hi Wendy! I realized I haven't been keeping up with the sober blog circuit for awhile, (since I started working crazy nonstop at the beginning of September) and was delighted to see that yours was the first post that popped up.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the quote you referenced: “Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid.” I think radical acceptance of this as just the ways things are was a pivotal point in my recovery. I used to think that things HAD to be a certain way or else something was wrong, I clung to expectations with damaging rigidity, I thought that other people just had it better than me and anything awful that happened to me was the reason why I was so depressed and drank. My mental illness was a badge of honor and I used it as an excuse. Everybody has wounds. Everybody has a story (or more) that will break your heart and bring you to your knees. We suffer, yes. We also triumph, we savor our joyous moments, we spread kindness and empathy, and most importantly, WE KEEP LOVING. And alcohol is 100% unnecessary for a happy or fun life, and dare I say, gets in the way of it.
xoxo J
I haven’t been keeping up as much as I like, either! Your comment really says it all! Thank you so much!
Deletexo
Lovely song, too, btw! And sending you the best regarding your cochlear implant surgery. Looking forward to reading how it turns out.
ReplyDeleteWendy! Just FYI, I stopped my blog when I ran out of things to say. It’s ok! You know how I feel about you! Good luck this week! Love you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, so much HD! Love you back!
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Prayers up! Xoxo ♥♥
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Brittany!
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ReplyDeleteWonderful pic - as always! Wonderful post - as always! And a beautiful song! If 'next Weds' that you mentioned meant yesterday....than I'm hope-hoping for the best and eager to hear the results.
ReplyDeleteAnd I loved that you can have a good hard cry and realize....it's a good thing. And you feel better. And move on. And maybe it will happen again...and that's ok, too. Very cleansing!
Hugs to you!
Yes, the surgery was October 24. I am doing ok! It’s a long process, and I have to wait until end of November to get it turned on!
DeleteThank you, NW!
xo