Learning to Let Go

Dear Readers,

On Our Walk

In recovery we often hear that we need to let go of a number of things such as resentments and things we can't control.
I have worked hard on this. I have long struggled with trying to control people and situations, and tend to make them all about me, or take things way too personally, which leads me to feel resentful.

When I wrote my fourth step for AA, I listed my resentments, and I was so surprised at two kinds of resentments I had. One was how I had felt people should include me in everything, or think of me in all situations. In fact, after reading a few of them to my sponsor, I started laughing! It was very illuminating!

I try to find little treasures! 

The second one was my resentment at people that abused other people or animals, terrorists, and so on. I had such anger and hatred for these people. 

I don't want to over simplify; it's not as easy as following a list, but, over the years, I found some things that have helped me:

1. I am only the center of my own universe. Everyone else has their own center.
2. I cannot control other people. I can't make them like me, include me, or call me.
3. I can control myself. I can call, invite, include other people.
4. Most of the time, other people are not trying to hurt me on purpose.
5. I have realized that some times I was  guilty of excluding people, myself. 
6. I can say what I need without lashing out, or making a person feel guilty.
7. I can take action to help abused animals or people by giving money or time.
8. Hating anyone or a situation did not make it better. Taking action can help. 
9. I am not a victim.
10. I forgive myself. 

Life is short. Resentments only hurt me. Is this how I want to spend my time?

I know deep down I am loved. This is probably the most important lesson I've learned. I had to repeat this over and over for many weeks, and one day, I started to believe it. 
Knowing I had no control over so many things also helped me. 

We try to walk every day!

This is where I started to let go. 
Gently releasing the hate and anger. Giving money where I can, time where I can. Sending messages of hope and love to people I love, and the world in general. Giving smiles, hugs, and joy.

It also is growing up and learning how adults work. I felt as if I was stuck in junior high! I had to learn how the world works, and how to socialize as an adult. 

Treat yourself kindly. Love yourself, flaws and all. We are all human. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. I put my hand on my heart, and said the following:
"I am Wendy. I am strong. I am loved. I am at peace." 

You can stop drinking and find peace.

With a Lighter Touch,
On Day 1529,
Wendy

PS - Getting my second cochlear implant processor on Tuesday! So excited! Takes time to adjust and for my brain to hear words, but I can't wait!