I am good.
I am sober and blessed with good people and things in my life.
I don't have to worry about going hungry, or having a place to live, having clean water, or war.
The only thing I have to worry about are my own thoughts and feelings, not only about not drinking, but life in general.
My thoughts can make or break me.
I can rejoice in what I have, or get dejected because of what I wish I had.
My thoughts around being sober are mostly good.
I can still feel sorry for myself from time to time, especially at dinner parties.
Instead of praying for those feelings to go away, I was told by a wonderful long-term AA member to pray for acceptance of those feelings.
It seems like a paradox, but by asking for acceptance, I think I am saying my feelings and thoughts are valid, but changeable.
If I get angry and yell at them to go away, I am denying how I feel.
But I don't want to get stuck wallowing in self-pity.
All I can do is state how I feel, and ask for help.
All I can do is vocalize my thoughts and see if they match reality.
This same kind gentleman assures me it will get better with time.
I told him I'd give him 5 years, and he better be right!
Can I trust that the process is the solution?*
I can't have all the answers right away.
Can I trust that by showing up, reading, listening, laughing and praying, things will get better?
If I reach out, I will get help.
But it still is a process.
Processes take time.
I saw this saying today by Nancy Leven:
Honor the space
between no longer
and not yet.
And this is what I will do.
Honor this space, this process, knowing that if I continue on this path, I am healing and all will be well.
With Love On Day 313
*(From the book Love Idol, by Jennifer Dukes Lee)