Sunday, December 13, 2015

Guest Post by Mr. UnTipsy

Dear Readers,
Below is another post written by Mr. UnTipsy:


A Matter of Trust: 

Would I come home and find my wife drunk again?  Would I get a call from one of her friends asking about her or expressing concern about her drinking?  Would I come home again to find her missing, with no idea of where she was or when she would be coming home?
I lived with these questions and concerns for a number of years, long enough that the feelings and worries became ingrained in my mind.

UnTipsy Teacher has been sober for over fifteen months now.  She has worked so very hard and I’m so proud of her strength and determination.  She has come so far despite several challenges including some health issues.  In the past she would have retreated to a drink or several drinks to “relieve” her stress.  Instead, now she faces those challenges straight on with a clear head and a great sense of humor.  Did I mention how proud I am?  Well I am.
Still, I find myself facing the same old worries from time to time.  If she is late returning home from an outing, I may feel a twinge of the old worries.  If she isn’t home when I return from work, my old concerns whisper to me, adding a bit of doubt.

Now I want to make this clear; UnTipsy Teacher has done nothing in the past fifteen months to warrant this reaction.  She has embraced her new found sobriety and is an inspiration to many of the people who know her.
No, these feelings and unfounded concerns are my fault, and I do my best to banish them as soon as they rear their ugly head.  I don’t voice them because they are unwarranted and unfounded.  I’m not sure how long these feelings will persist.  They have certainly diminished over the past year or so.  Yet every so often… there they are.

The fact that uncertainty still remains, shows just how deep the effects of over drinking can extend among friends and family.  While my occasional struggle with doubt is nothing compared to the struggle others face as they work to gain sobriety, it is still a hurdle that we face.

Over drinking is a problem that affects those surrounding the drinker as well as the problem drinker.  Like a pebble thrown into a pool, the ripples spread.  Trust isn’t a right, it must be earned but lost trust can be regained through actions and words of reassurance for both the person in recovery and their loved ones.  It doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time.

As the holiday season nears, it is a good time to remember why you’ve decided to stop drinking and recommit yourself to that path.  It is also a good time for folks like me to recommit ourselves to helping our loved ones with words of encouragement and trust.


Mr. UnTipsy Teacher

With Love On Day 465

11 comments:

  1. Your open and honest feelings are deeply moving.
    Thank you for that reminder that others were impacted by our actions and they can't just forget the past.
    But it is always best to be honest about these fears, as out in the open they can be examined for what they are- worries. If you hold them in the fester and become resentments.

    You sound like a good husband. You have a wonderful wife. How we ended up caught up in addiction is one thing do those hard to answer questions. But she is an inspiration and a light in sobriety and I imagine the two of you will have a beautiful future.

    Thank you for writing! Take care of un tipsy teacher!

    Anne

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  2. Mr Untipsey,

    I love this. I have sent it to Mr Supersober hoping that he may comment also - watch this space.

    I love your support of your wife!
    x

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  3. Dear Mr Untipsy This just warms my heart to read - thank you! Give Wendy a hug from me :)

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  4. Great and honest post. Your support is amazing. Wendy is amazing. Fifteen months! Such a great achievement. There will be occasional doubts. It is very normal. As times passes, the doubts will fade away.

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  5. tear......
    wipe...
    big smile and hug!

    Lisa

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  6. Thank you, Me. Untipsy for sharing your thoughts. Over-drinking truly affects everyone. I love that you're able to admit (and write) that you still worry. You both are amazing, I'm so glad I've gotten to "know" you in this cyber world!

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  7. ah, this is so lovely and heartwarming but also a very clear and honest reminder of how much our drinking affected others. my husband still doesn't really want to acknowledge that I had a problem, still less recognise that it could all still come roaring back at any moment. Mr Untipsy, thank you for your willingness to deal with the truth of what happened in the past which I am sure is a huge support to your wonderful 15 months sober wife! Prim xx

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  8. Yay! I always get excited for the guest post! Such a fine line to walk during active drinking. Stay and love or walk away when the behavior is so bad. Would I rather be the alcoholic or the loved one? Easy - I would rather be the alcoholic. I think it would be harder to watch someone I loved hurting. And not just with sobriety but medically too. Worry seems an appropriate response. Again, walking that fine line - how much worry is correct for each situation? You guys have been through a lot lately. I think it's time for some crazy adventure like Macchu Picchu or the Ideterod or an African Safari. More adrenelin less worry. :) Actually, this sounds like great advice. I think I will go plan myself an adventure!! Lori

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  9. Thanks for this. it's super powerful to be reminded of the worry and trouble brought to families by the drink. I should know that--I grew up with scary drink around me--but it's so easy to think what you are doing is different than what others do. It's good to be reminded of all this. At the same time it's lovely to see the lovely Wendy doing so well 15 months in! xo

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  10. Ahh, a well written post Mr Untipsy and fair thoughts. Just as we who have choosen a sober life sometimes think about having a drink so to do people who have been affected by this do a little fear occasionally. I think in some part it's an old thought process that pops in to see if it's still valid but in no way represents what we may truly do and feel. They are understandable thoughts and it's only a thought.
    Keep on being the cool guy you are.

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  11. Dear Everyone,
    Mr. Untipsy says, "Thank you for all of your kind comments!"
    I say, he is a good, cool hubs!
    xo

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