Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Another Fine Guest Post by Mr. UnTipsy! On 18 Months

UnTipsy Teacher has asked me to write another guest post. So here goes.

Untipsy Teacher has been sober for over eighteen months now, and I couldn’t be more proud of her.  It is easy to accept these changes over eighteen months without really seeing them; they grow gradually day to day and are almost taken for granted.  That’s a trap.

I need to stop from time to time and take a look at how far we’ve come and appreciate the accomplishments achieved.  Look at how our lives have changed.

All of you married and previously married folks know that being married isn’t exactly a walk in the park. It takes work, but it has become a whole lot easier since we stopped drinking.  I don’t get mad at her, yell at her for drinking, getting drunk.  She doesn’t yell back about going out for drinks and having fun. Now our worst arguments are nothing compared to the past.  We still disagree about important things like the need to go dancing.  I’m of the belief that I was not meant to dance or I wouldn’t have been born with two left feet. Besides, no one wants to see an old guy on the dance floor.  We compromise and go dancing.  I’ve learned that’s called “compromise”, when the husband does want the wife wants.  Our disagreements are just disagreements now, they aren’t alcohol fueled battles.

Going out to dinner has become easier over the past eighteen months as well.  There isn’t the awkward moment waiting to see if she orders a drink (drinks) or not.  Now we just don’t.  We’ve even brought along our own bottle of sparkling non-alcoholic cider to restaurants.  No server has batted an eye over this or even charged us a corking fee.  A lot of restaurants are now listing non-alcoholic drinks on the menu and bar tenders like the challenge of coming up with non-booze based cocktails. UnTipsy makes sure the drinks are served in a “pretty” glass. No water tumbler for her. In other words, we don’t see going out to eat as a test anymore, we just enjoy it.  That doesn’t mean it’s easy for UnTipsy but it is becoming more normal.  I also like the fact that our bar bill has gone on a starvation diet compared to the past.

When I look at what we as a couple have gained I am truly grateful.  We have started going for evening walks again.  This gives us a chance to catch up on what happened during our day.  Even though I’ve been accused of not being communicative enough, UnTipsy generally can carry the conversational load on her own with ease.  We’re planning another vacation trip.  Planning for the future.  We’ve gone to our first NBA game in fifteen years.  She is connecting with friends, exercising. We’re doing stuff, not just sitting in a bar.

There are so many improvements in our day to day lives.  I want to make sure I really see them and know they are there.  That is something I recommend to all of you.  Enjoy your day to day accomplishments.  Revel in the little things, they will add up.

So when I look at how far UnTipsy has come in the past eighteen months I really am proud and grateful.  I think I’ll go tell her.

With Much Love,
On Day 551,
Mr. and Mrs. Wendy

26 comments:

  1. ye guys look so young and healthy! Lovely post. your support is just fab. kats

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  2. what a wonderful post(: i love this! it sure made me smile and gives me hope for the future...jaded xo

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    1. Hi Jaded8,
      There is so much hope!
      xo
      Wendy

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  3. Great post Mr UnTipsy Teacher. Love;y photo too! A x

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  4. Sending love and virtual hugs to you both . Flossie x

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    1. Thank you, Flossie!
      So good to hear from you!
      xo

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  5. Super post. I've said that our marriage is remarkable in that it not only survived the drinking years but the recovery years too. Looks to me that yours may well also survive both sides of the divide too - that is no mean achievement for both of you

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    1. Thank you, Graham!
      Commitment and love.
      xo

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  6. That is so beautiful. I know my own marriage has blossomed and it is obvious yours has too.

    It's so great to really like your spouse. Yours goes dancing. I go to heavy metal concerts. We all compromise and enjoy ourselves.

    Who knew life was really about fun?

    Thanks mr. Untipsy.

    Anne

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    1. Thank you, Anne!
      All the things I have learned during recovery, including reading The Gifts of Imperfection (lol), has made me change for the better, which in turn helped our marriage.
      I know Mr. Untipsy loves to read the comments, so he will see this!
      xo
      Wendy

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  7. So lovely to read this. I'm really happy you're doing so well, Wendy, and glad you and your husband are such a great pair. I love that pic of you both! xo

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    1. I think because we were high school sweethearts, and like to play!
      Thank you, Thirsty!!
      xo

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  8. LOVE this! Chuckling over the definition of compromise. What a funny post and wonderful pair you make.

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    1. Hi Kristen!
      I was touched by his post, too!
      He likes comments so he'll be happy to read this!
      xo

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  9. This is so wonderful to read! So happy for you both! I've been reading your blog for a while now. I found you by comments you'd left on another blog. When I started my journey into non-drinker-hood my significant other (of 4 years today!) also decided he didn't want to drink if I wasn't. He's never been a big drinker. He'd have a rootbeer to my alcohol binge of choice much more often than not. I saw the changes in the first week. He suggested stopping in at a coffee shop in the afternoon and we ended up enjoying a game of checkers (my first at 37 years old mind you). I never would have done that if I was still drinking. I would have suggested a bar, looping in a purpose of eating lunch just so I could drink. It's the first in a long list that I'm thankful to build upon. I'm blessed that not a week has went by that I haven't heard "I'm so proud of you." And now at 46 days, we hit day four of getting up in the morning and exercising together. This post makes me ask "Gosh what will we have waiting in 18 months?" and it's an exciting thought. Thank you for posting this!

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    1. Hi Codette!
      Big congratulations on 46 days!
      And exercising together is awesome!
      It really helps to have my hubs support, although I do know it's up to me to not drink.
      Thank you for your lovely comment!
      xo

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  10. That was just wonderful and insightful and made me smile the entire time. Thanks Mr. Un-Tipsy! You rock! Way to stand by your woman and support her (and her you). That's what it's all about :) xo jess

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    1. He says, "Thank you, Jess!"
      (He loves comments.)
      xo

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  11. Brilliant post. So lovely to get the other side of the story, as it were! I know my husband feels alot of those things too, I know he hated that moment where I was ordering another glass of wine, him trying to catch my eye and shake his head and me trying to ignore him! Poor man. Your wife in an inspiration, look at what she has done all by herself. Both of you are amazing!

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    1. Dear MTTS,
      Hubs says, "Thank you!"
      I say, it is so good to hear from you!
      xo
      Wendy

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  12. Awww, now that's a love story on a deeper level definitely worth telling............Gael

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