I wanted this to be a "happy" post as today marks 1 year and 7 months of me being sober.
But life doesn't always work out that way.
This weekend, after getting back from Arizona, we went to Wisconsin to see my father-in-law. We received word while on vacation that he was not doing well.
He has dementia and his health is on a fast decline.
In fact, so fast, we were not prepared.
He can't talk anymore, can't get himself up, isn't eating or drinking.
He will soon be in care of hospice.
The last time we saw him was at Christmas when my hubs, myself, and my mom all had dinner together.
At that time, he could walk without help and he talked about the olden days.
When my husband talked to his father this weekend, tears came out of my father-in-law's eyes.
We held his hand, talked about all the funny things we remembered, and kissed him good-bye.
And we cried.
When my mother-in-law died several years ago, very suddenly, I was still drinking.
My husband drove home, and I flew in later as I was substitute teaching at the time.
I remembered that I had several drinks at the airport before I boarded the plane. I also remember there were some very drunk men at the bar that I was sitting at, and they made me uncomfortable.
When I met my husband at the airport, I told him I needed some wine to "fortify" myself before I went to meet his father and other family members.
So we went to a local tavern and I had several more glasses of wine.
My husband remembers that he didn't want to go, but he knew I'd be fighting him if I didn't get that wine.
Now at this sad time, I am not drinking.
How would drinking help? Would that help my husband? Would it take away the pain?
What I did this time was to support my husband, with walks, holding hands, hugs and love.
By being by his side, sober.
No amount of drinking will ever take away the pain of seeing a loved one hurting.
With Much Love,