Saturday, October 1, 2016

Drinking Dream

My Dad and I at my Wedding!
Dear Readers,
Yoga often brings up some powerful memories and feelings.
One time, a year after my dad had passed, I broke down sobbing in a class.
This morning during class, I suddenly remembered I had a drinking dream last night.

I don't remember all of the details, but I do remember some of the feelings.
I was inside some sort of building, and I was with another person that I knew.
I remember I was feeling frustrated and anxious.
There was a cupboard with alcohol in it.
The other person and I got it out.
I think it was whisky or something like that.
I poured a drink, and put it on a counter.

At some point I put the drink back in the cupboard, without drinking it.
Then, all of a sudden, my dad was standing next to me, and told me he was proud of me for putting it back.

When my dad was alive, he struggled with his drinking, especially later in his life.
My brother, sister and I were lucky that his drinking didn't effect us growing up. 
We had much fun going camping, golfing, skiing, all because my dad loved to learn new things, and he taught us the love of learning.

But after we had all married and moved out, his drinking really increased.
It was not fun for my mom, or the family when we gathered at special occasions.
He had classic alcoholic behavior....hiding bottles, getting drinks for family so he could sneak drinks in the kitchen, behavior changes from nice to mean.
He couldn't stop, and didn't want outside help.
He tried to quit on his own, but that didn't work.
It was only after he developed Parkinson's disease that he was able to cut down.

I do not like drinking dreams, and I am so lucky I have had only a few.
They make me anxious just thinking about them.
So it's no wonder I pushed the dream away, and it didn't remember it until my yoga practice.

But they also can teach me.
This dream reminded me that I used to drink when I was frustrated about work.
I'd work myself up to be very angry or resentful and then drink to calm myself down.
The dream told me that my dad really did want to quit, but he just didn't know how.
And that he loved me.

Today, hubs and I are going shopping, although the sun is shining and it's so pretty outside, we might need to change plans and go biking!

With Much Love,
On Day 758,

Wendy

18 comments:

  1. Drinking dreams are tough, and scary. I lost my Dad 18 years ago, and there are still times when the grief feels raw. I do think he'd be proud that I quit, just like your Dad would be about you! xx

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  2. What a wonderful, wonderful dream Wendy. :-) That must be really empowering. :-)
    Enjoy your shopping!
    xx, Feeling

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    1. It was cool to have my dad visit me!
      First time that has happened!
      I got some fun new sweaters!
      xo

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  3. I find the same thing, that I work myself up & then need to calm myself down. Love this post! Dreams are usually more subtle but this was right on. Lori

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    1. I'm so glad I didn't drink in this dream, although I never have in any of them!
      xo

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  4. I know my Dad would have been proud of me too although he struggled with booze just like your Dad did xx

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    1. It's such a hard thing to watch..a parent struggle with addiction.
      xo

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  5. My,dad, too! I think this drink showed you how strong you've become.

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  6. I'll trade you my drinking dream for this one. Mine is always the same one - I've had a drink (or several) and I'm lying about it so that I can still say that I'm sober. I guess that is a testament to how important my sobriety is to me in a strange and twisted way.

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    1. Ok, you can have your dream!
      Dreams are interesting. I think they sometimes are a way our brain deals with real life anxiety.
      For example, when I was teaching I always had a school dream in Late August about losing a kid on a field trip, or kids running amok!
      xo

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  7. What a great post and glimpse into the past. I like that your dad told you in the dream that he was proud of you. I don't have drinking dreams often, though I do still get them once in awhile. They don't upset me as much as they used to because I don't worry they're predictive. I like how you interpreted this one and found comfort in it. Just very cool, thanks for sharing.

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    1. I agree they aren't predictive.
      I think it's more of a process our brain does with memories, and or anxieties.
      Thank you!
      xo

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  8. I used to have them regularly and they've gone through phases of recurring dreams or at least themes. From initially ones where I was outside somewhere unable to get in somewhere where there was drink - often in some kind of concrete jungle. Then they moved to me in some situation - look down and there is a drink half drunk so I've started I'll therefore simply carry on. The latest are more concerning they are deliberate "I'm going to drink and break my sobriety" but they are rare but none the less scary when they happen. That moment of awakening disorientated and the few seconds before some realisation that it was only a dream.

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    1. That's the part I hate, the waking up.
      Maybe it's hard for our brain to find a place to process some of our anxieties, so we do it when we sleep.
      Thank you.
      xo

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  9. I am having drinking dreams too. SO INCREDIBLY RELIEVED when I wake up and realise it was just a dream!

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