Saturday, October 29, 2016

Living Right

Dear Readers,
Golfing in Fall!
Last weekend I went to a small dinner party with our closest friends, and for the first time, I didn't miss drinking!
Everyone else was drinking, and I didn't care.
It didn't bother me, and I didn't get pouty!
It was so freeing!

At my last AA meeting we discussed "right living". 
Right living for me means I keep honest about drinking. 
I had to be brutally honest with myself in order to quit drinking and look at how I was affecting not only my life, but the people I loved, especially Mr. UT.
It means telling on myself if I have a drinking thought.

Right Living means I get out of my own head and help someone else who might be struggling.
Sometimes that might be with drinking, but it might be with someone who is lonely.
The very best way for me to be less lonely is to help someone else.

Right living means, I take care of the things I need to.
It means something as simple as making my bed and doing the laundry.
It means managing my money.

Right living also means taking care of my needs, too.
It means I stop drinking too much coffee.
It means I do my exercise.

Now, this is not always easy for me, but it is getting better.
Volunteering is fun, but doing things around the house that need to be done, is not.
Taking care of myself is not easy.
I want to be lazy.
I want to sit around all day.

In recovery circles I hear the saying, "Do the next right thing". 
I like that.
It means taking responsibility for myself.
It means I give myself a gentle push to look at what I need to do to make my life and other people's lives a little bit better.

With a Big Hug,
On Day 786,
Wendy

PS - Mr. UT and I read the book Detroit Muscle, by Jeff Vande Zande, after reading about it on Walking in Sober Boots, blog. The main character, Robby, has a drug addiction. I was unsure if I could relate to a guy who loves cars. But, after reading it, I realized Robby could be anybody, a guy or a girl, with an addiction. His family holds secrets, as many families with addictions do. 
As Robby tries to make amends, not everyone is ready to accept them. But the ending makes me hopeful that Robby will make it! 

22 comments:

  1. I love the expression 'do the next right thing' too Wendy :) xx

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    1. It helps me in little things, to just take the next step.
      Much Love!
      xo

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  2. It seems to be a natural progression, doesn't it? As we get more sober time under our belts, we want to help others and "do right"! xx

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  3. I LOVE this! Love the reference to 'do the next right thing' which is my favorite recovery slogan. I also love how you mentioned the parts of right living that you still struggle with...very relatable. Most of all, I love that you didn't miss drinking at the party and the photo of you and your husband :)

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    1. Thank you, Kristen!
      I used this slogan again today.
      Several times!
      xo

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  4. Your continued support has helped me immensely and I will always be grateful for your wisdom and compassion! You always demonstrate vulnerability as well as strength and I have come to admire these qualities in you. Thank you and continued love and support to you and Mr. UT! <3 :)

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    1. And you help me as well!
      Thank you, CWD!
      xo

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  5. I love the "right living" idea! Congrats on 786 days and on not missing drinking at the party :) - shehidbehindtheglass (it won't let me post as that for some reason)

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  6. I've never heard of 'right living' before. I also love the phrase 'do the next right thing' I do try to live my life thas way though. I do have to push myself some times and get motivated and i always feel better for it. thanks for sharing your wisdom xx

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    1. The motivation thing for me is a biggie, but I am getting better at it!
      And I always feel better, too!
      Yay!
      xo

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  7. Hello dear Wendy, I love the photo! Bravo you for feeling free and definitely NOT pouty! Right living...thanks for the wisdom. You're a very generous spirit Wendy. Love from The Sober Garden x.

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    1. Thank you, SG!
      Today I lived the day pretty well.
      xo

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  8. Not 'telling on myself' got me into trouble last time. I'm going to hold on to that advice. SO x

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    1. Hi SO,
      It's true, I have to tell someone right away, otherwise it's a secret and then that's big trouble!
      xo

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  9. Wendy,
    I love your posts. I always enjoy reading about your new sober life and about how you and Mr UT are getting along
    Your last post seemed very timely to me . I’m always seem to be searching for answers and I always seem to be weighed down by the-day-to-day burdens of my life. Sometimes I feel almost crushed by the things I feel I ought to do.
    Some months ago I listened to a podcast from West Hills Friends on self –care. ( I have posted a link at the bottom) It was a thoughtful podcast and sprinkled with a good deal of humour, yet it sort of washed over me it a way that’s hard to explain. I knew it was good, I knew it made sense but It was almost like listening to a beautiful song in a foreign language. I didn’t really get it.
    Anyway I added it to my list of on-the-go podcasts , thinking maybe I’d listened to it again next time I was on a train or something. As I said that was some months ago, I didn’t listen to it again and the thought of it has been starting to niggle me.
    Then I read your beautiful post and it was like reading a wonderfully clear translation . You are in the process of learning what self-care and right living is all about and you have generously shared it on your blog. I think you explain it so well because of the journey you have been on. I really felt I wanted to thank you for that.
    After reading your post I went and listened to the podcast again. Then I read your post again, and then I listened to the podcast again. I felt a sort of synchronicity in all of this – a real hammering home of the message.
    In reality I think I have only just poked my head round the door of self-care but I’m beginning to see right living as work not a menial chore to be resented and that while that work will never be without effort, and not always instantly gratifying, there may be a quiet satisfaction in making those choices. I am also beginning to grapple with the idea of the huge difference between treating myself because ‘I’m worth it’ and looking after myself properly. Sometimes I treat myself in a sort of angry defiance of all the crap that’s happening and that really isn’t self care!
    Once again, thank you for your post Wendy and love and best wishes to you and Mr UT
    Flossie x
    https://soundcloud.com/westhillsfriends/mike-huber-on-the-work-of-self-care

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    1. Flossie, I so love hearing from you!
      Thank you for your lovely comment!
      Self-care does take work, but it's meaningful and beautiful work.
      Without it, I can't help anybody else.
      I just re-read my own post, and I understand the connections you made!
      I will listen to the podcast!
      Today I got up, made my bed, put the dishes away, wrote a post, went to yoga, and talked with a friend, walked with hubs, and read blogs.
      I didn't drink too much coffee.
      This wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, at least not today.
      xo

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  10. Hi. Thank you for this. I'm at the point where I think my drinking might be a problem but I'm struggling with that thought. It helps to see that other people have been there and can come out the other side better.

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    1. Hi Zeva,
      There is a better side.
      I never believed it when I was drinking, but now I am living it!
      xo

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  11. Need to start doing more of that. Thank you, needed to read this today. On that note I'm off to do the next right thing, housework:) xxx

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    1. I needed to read it too!
      I'm off to yoga!
      xo

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