Monday, August 7, 2017

Just For Today

Dear Readers,
Lately I have found myself feeling left out, about not being part of an "in-group".
I often feel very insecure when it comes to people. I will say something and then worry I said the wrong thing, or I talk too loud, and someone tells me to be quieter.
I often don't hear things people say in a group situation and so I either have to ask people to repeat, which gets old after a while for them, or I pretend I know what's going on, which leads to strange conversations. Sometimes I give up and leave.

I often want to be part of the "in-group" so much, that I forget to be happy with what gifts I already have!

Slowly but surely, I am learning that the secret to life for me, is being grateful. 
A woman I know, commented on the fact that Mr. UT is a wonderful guy.
I told her, I did not really appreciate him and all that he does for me, until I got sober.

Sobriety, (as Anne of Ainsobriety often says), is a gift.
It keeps bringing me new 'aha" moments. 
It gives me the chance to step back when I am upset or sad, and ask myself some questions, and then to be open to the answers.

And because I have lately had the feelings of being left out, I asked myself, "Why is it important to me to be included with these people?"
"What do I need or want that I am not getting?"

The answers that came to me were that I need and want connections, love and approval.
When I look at what I already have, and I discover that I have connections, love and approval right now.
I do not need to seek these things.
Instead, I want to appreciate the people that love me unconditionally.
This is a gift sobriety brings.

So, just for today, I will be sober, grateful, and probably a little loud!

With Love,
On 35 Months and 3 Days,
Wendy

PS - It was my birthday last Tuesday, and Mr. UT bought me a beautiful dress, and even got the right size!!
My Birthday Present from Mr. UT!!

41 comments:

  1. Hi Wendy,
    Congratulations on your birthday! Looking GOOOOD! :-) Very, very nice.
    I am sorry to hear that your hearing problems make it difficult to follow (group) conversations. I do not like groups very much. Have difficulty dealing. Might sound as a luxury problem in comparison. :-/ I just get lost in the group and afterwards am very tired and disconnected with myself. That is why I tend to not meet with more than 1 or 2 people at the same time. Just to keep close to myself. I need that because for me, wanting to be part of that group somehow reminds me of drinking. I sometimes feel that even while I drank water or tea all night, I am drunk. Not sure how that works. Hmmm, that would be a subject to think about.
    Not sure if you (still?) need it but I think I am speaking truth when I say you are one of the most loved bloggers in this sober community. Your kindness, your gentleness, your loving pressence is something I can only hope to be able to express myself one day. That trajectory is long, very long but thank you for writing, thank you for showing me this. <3
    xx, Feeling

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    1. This made me cry! Thank you a billion times over, Feeling!
      Love Hugs across the ocean to you!!

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    2. I am so with you on groups, Feeling- too many personalities at one time drain me. I think the disconnectedness we feel might come from just trying so hard to follow along. Sensory overload. Some re-charge by being with people- I need to re-charge with solitude.

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    3. Receiving your hugs now Wendy. And they come at a very good time. :-) Thank you :-)

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  2. Wendy, happy birthday, nice dress and forget those other groups, you are a member of this blogging community. Now that's a real in-crowd! As the previous person suggested you are one of the most open minded, compassionate and supportive bloggers I have encountered. Keep it going.
    Jim

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  3. Happiest of days to you. Great to read new stuff! PEACE! - DDM

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  4. What a gorgeous dress and gorgeous you!
    Happy birthday.
    I often feel I have more love and interest in the people's lives I only know through blogging. I don't have a lot of close friends. I don't really want to put the time in.

    But what I do love are short, intimate contacts. A chat after yoga about someone's struggles or success is often more intense and rewarding than most of my old friendships.

    I find like being alone.

    But, It must be isolating to not hear. I felt isolated in Quebec when everyone spoke French and I did not. I felt self conscious and left out. Maybe that's a bit how you feel and I'm sorry.

    It makes me wonder if there are people who have hearing loss who don't come to yoga because of that. You are brave and inspiring to keep trying!

    Your blog opens my eyes to many things....your comments are always heartfelt. It is an honour to walk this path with you...

    Your friend,
    Anne

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    2. Thank you, Anne. Your wise words touch so many people here!
      In the yoga studio, I hear about 50% of the words spoken, but I just follow along for the ones I don't hear or understand. Music makes it much worse.
      But you are so right...I don't like big groups anymore. I like one on one times the most!
      xo

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  5. Those kind words from others, up above...? Double ditto!

    What you share in your entries here and your posts on other blogs do radiate kindness, generosity, encouragement and sensitivity.

    Belated birthday greetings to the pretty lafy in the pretty dress!

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    1. Thank you! I love that dress! I didn't want to take it off!
      xo

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  6. As Feeling says - your warmth and reaching out to other bloggers in this community is a beacon of hope to so many. if you are using that (very real and understandable) pain of sometimes feeling isolated due to your hearing difficulties and turning it into something beautiful, then that is something to be very proud of. and your appreciation of Mr U-T is a beautiful thing, too. much love from England! Prim xx

    PS - excited to see that you are nearly at 3 years! hope you share your celebrations with us!

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    1. Thank you, Prim!
      I'm excited about my 3 years, too!
      xo

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  7. Happy Birthday Wendy!

    You offered me hope when I had none,
    You encouraged me when I thought I was done.
    Your honesty comes from your heart,
    It gives others the courage to start.
    Through your sober journey you have shown,
    That if we have the bravery to begin we are never alone.

    thanks Wendy!
    Michelle xxx

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    1. WOW!!
      What a beautiful poem, Michelle!!
      Thank you!!
      Can you write more poems on your blog????
      xo

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    2. Hell no. I am happy to bore people to death but not outright drive them away :) xx M

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  8. Hi Wendy, I was feeling this way earlier in the year and decided to focus on my actual friends. I wrote down my list of good friends and now just focus on those. If I feel left out of something and the people involved are not on my list I let it go. I don't worry what they are doing and put no effort into becoming friends with them, other than being polite. It's helped me a lot and also made me redirection my focus on those who matter to me the most. Love your dress by the way and happy birthday!

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    1. Thank you PDTGThat is a great idea! Funny thing is, I did that a year ago, and so you reminded me to do that again!!
      I know it really helps!
      xo

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  9. Happy belated birthday beautiful! Such words of insight and wisdom in this post. Thank you. Elizabeth (Withoutthewhine) Still haven't figured out how to post my WP site- techie I'm not. ;)

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    1. I'm not a techie either!! We should ask Feeling! She is really smart in that area!
      xo

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  10. Wendy you are rocking that dress! I can very much relate to the wanting to fit in. I am glad you are noticing the places in your life where you already do, like here in sober blogging world. You are awesome:) xxx

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    1. Thank you, Hurrah!!
      I am so glad I have this world. It has made such a difference for me.
      I am blessed having met so many wonderful people in recovery the world over!
      Including you!!
      xoxo

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  11. YOU ARE the in-group.

    That is all.

    Keep kicking ass and taking names...

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  12. Great post, great dress, great you. I always find warmth and strength in your words. So glad you're part of the sober blogosphere!

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    1. Thank you, SamKD!
      I hope your day is going smoother!
      xo

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  13. Second Mark's comment and what a lovely dress! Happy Birthday xo

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    1. Hi SO!
      Thank you! I'm older but not wiser!
      Lol
      xo

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  14. You look lovely in your birthday dress! I hope you had a great day.

    I've also struggled my whole life with wanting to fit in but never feeling like I have. I also prefer very small social groups now and have developed an appreciation of alone time. I think quality not quanitity is definitely a thing with friendships.

    I agree with earlier comments here, you're definitely popular and loved in this community. Hugs x

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    1. Thank you, TOTW!
      It helps I don't have to hear here! ha ha!
      After writing this post, I immediately felt better.
      I realize I had to look at what I have and take care of that.
      I am happy to be alone as long as I get some close friend social time a few times a week!
      xo

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  15. Ohhh I LOVE your new dress!! It's beautiful! And so are you! Happy belated birthday Wendy!!
    So many people above have already said the things that I would like to say too.
    I am very, VERY thankful and grateful that you are part of our "group". I only have a few friends in real life, and I have felt more welcomed and listened to on this online community than I think I ever have, and you have been a HUGE part of that for me.
    <3
    Donna

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    1. I know, Donna, the on-line community has been a blessing for me.
      We can give and get support, and that makes life meaningful!
      Thank you!
      xo

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  16. I'm so sorry I'm late!! But You ARE looking really great in that dress! Your man has a good eye! I also get it - wanting to be part of...but I gotta agree with Mark. You ARE the in-crowd! You're one of my most beloved bloggers here in the Recovery Posse. Xoxo

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    1. Thank you, Abbie! I am going to try to embrace this! I so appreciate these kind words!
      xo

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    2. Happy Belated Birthday! You look marvelous in your gift, husband made a wonderful choice. You truly are appreciated and respected in this blogging world. I believe in your outside life as well. Thank you for being you!

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