Lately I have found myself feeling left out, about not being part of an "in-group".
I often feel very insecure when it comes to people. I will say something and then worry I said the wrong thing, or I talk too loud, and someone tells me to be quieter.
I often don't hear things people say in a group situation and so I either have to ask people to repeat, which gets old after a while for them, or I pretend I know what's going on, which leads to strange conversations. Sometimes I give up and leave.
I often want to be part of the "in-group" so much, that I forget to be happy with what gifts I already have!
Slowly but surely, I am learning that the secret to life for me, is being grateful.
A woman I know, commented on the fact that Mr. UT is a wonderful guy.
I told her, I did not really appreciate him and all that he does for me, until I got sober.
Sobriety, (as Anne of Ainsobriety often says), is a gift.
It keeps bringing me new 'aha" moments.
It gives me the chance to step back when I am upset or sad, and ask myself some questions, and then to be open to the answers.
And because I have lately had the feelings of being left out, I asked myself, "Why is it important to me to be included with these people?"
"What do I need or want that I am not getting?"
The answers that came to me were that I need and want connections, love and approval.
When I look at what I already have, and I discover that I have connections, love and approval right now.
I do not need to seek these things.
Instead, I want to appreciate the people that love me unconditionally.
This is a gift sobriety brings.
So, just for today, I will be sober, grateful, and probably a little loud!
On 35 Months and 3 Days,
PS - It was my birthday last Tuesday, and Mr. UT bought me a beautiful dress, and even got the right size!!
|My Birthday Present from Mr. UT!!|