Thursday, May 28, 2015

Seeing Myself on TV (My OLD Self!)

Dear Readers,
This week, I watched two television shows that gave me pause.
One was a Dr. Phil show about a woman and her husband who had alcohol problems, and the other was an update on Kim Richards, who is on one of the Housewives show. She has been struggling with alcohol addiction for many years, and keeps relapsing.
It is strange to watch someone in active addiction, and see that I did and said, many of the same things. 
Watching people struggle with alcohol is sad.
The people who love them feel helpless. 
That's how I felt watching my father.
I know that was what it was like for my Loved One to watch me.

The denial and excuses of these people are the same I had.
I just refused to admit I had problems with drinking too much.
I "needed" to drink to cope with the stresses of teaching, to relax, to have friends.

These people are in such pain.
I see them falling, slurring, crying, fighting, and I have to think.
That was me.

So, I am writing a new show for myself.
In my show, I struggle with human problems, back pain, eating right, inertia, and a few other issues. (Well, quite a long list!)

However, you will see me with so much more love, peace, freedom.
And laughter.
I have way less worries.
I can kiss my husband when he comes home, and I don't have to turn away so he doesn't smell the alcohol.
I can drive safely.
I don't have to worry about hiding bottles, or hiding the money I spent.
When I get mad, it's an anger I can process, not a rage that is fueled by drinking.
I can go to a party and not be afraid I'll make a fool out of myself. 

Are there times I miss drinking?
Sometimes.
But the scale had tipped to pain.
And If I don't think I had pain, I just have to watch these women to remember.

With Love on Day 266

12 comments:

  1. I actually had to stop watching Intervention (when, while I was drinking, it was my favorite show) because it became hard to watch my old self week after week.

    But I still tune in once in a while so I don't forget.

    Thanks Wendy -

    Sherry

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    Replies
    1. I too watched intervention while I was drinking.
      Yikes!
      Now I have hope!
      xo

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  2. Hi Wendy
    i enjoyed your Post.
    scary stuff.
    Lisa

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Lisa!
      I didn't mean to get depressed, just need to remember!
      xo

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  3. There is not much to miss about wine. Maybe that first glass on a summers evening but that's about it. It was never just one glass and it always got messy with awful hangovers the next day. I was watching a movie last night called 28 days. Not a bad movie. A x

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    Replies
    1. Oh! I will have to watch it!
      You are right.
      It's only the first glass, and I never kept to one!
      Thank you!

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  4. Wow. I watched a few episodes of "Addicted" a few nights ago. Hard to watch. One comment made stood out to me: "you don't KNOW what I've been through!" I used to make the same comment to justify my behavior. Eatching the effects on the family members was heartbreaking. Great post! Lori K

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  5. On day 266 I was still fighting that obsession about booze. I have to say a good number of days further on I haven't missed it at all for a long time. This just reminded me of that great fact

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    Replies
    1. Dear Graham,
      I want what you have!
      I don't want to still be thinking about it so much!
      xo

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  6. This post resonated with me, the hiding, the turning away. I am going to slowly read through your blog tonight, early days for me. Thanks so much for writing this, it helps a lot to know I am not alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Rainy Day Girl,
      You are so not alone. Many people struggle with addiction!
      Hugs!

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