This week, I watched two television shows that gave me pause.
One was a Dr. Phil show about a woman and her husband who had alcohol problems, and the other was an update on Kim Richards, who is on one of the Housewives show. She has been struggling with alcohol addiction for many years, and keeps relapsing.
It is strange to watch someone in active addiction, and see that I did and said, many of the same things.
Watching people struggle with alcohol is sad.
The people who love them feel helpless.
That's how I felt watching my father.
I know that was what it was like for my Loved One to watch me.
The denial and excuses of these people are the same I had.
I just refused to admit I had problems with drinking too much.
I "needed" to drink to cope with the stresses of teaching, to relax, to have friends.
These people are in such pain.
I see them falling, slurring, crying, fighting, and I have to think.
That was me.
So, I am writing a new show for myself.
In my show, I struggle with human problems, back pain, eating right, inertia, and a few other issues. (Well, quite a long list!)
However, you will see me with so much more love, peace, freedom.
I have way less worries.
I can kiss my husband when he comes home, and I don't have to turn away so he doesn't smell the alcohol.
I can drive safely.
I don't have to worry about hiding bottles, or hiding the money I spent.
When I get mad, it's an anger I can process, not a rage that is fueled by drinking.
I can go to a party and not be afraid I'll make a fool out of myself.
Are there times I miss drinking?
But the scale had tipped to pain.
And If I don't think I had pain, I just have to watch these women to remember.
With Love on Day 266