Look a Little Closer
Dear Readers,
Today, at my AA meeting we shared the "miracles" that have happened in our lives since we got sober. People shared powerful stories, heartbreaking drinking and using stories, and now their current miracles.
This reminded me of a post I read today, by Mark Goodson, Miracle of the Mundane.
He gave me pause to look back at where I was and where I am now.
Mark describes his using life and his sober life as a "great divide".
He talks about comparing your greatest fear, happiness, or problem in your two lives.
Where was I when I was drinking?
What were my fears then?
What brought me happiness?
When I was drinking, my life was all about me. It was when could I drink, who could I drink with, how can I hide my bottles, when could I get what I wanted.
My biggest fear was definitely worrying about getting pulled over by the police for drunk driving.
My happiness was when I was drinking.
That's the only thing I though made me happy.
Today, my life is about caring for my darling husband.
It's about caring about my wonderful family.
It's about helping other people in recovery.
It's about taking care of myself by getting exercise, sleep, and eating right.
My biggest fear today, is worried about getting old, as we have no children to help us.
(I did have this same worry when I was drinking, too, but it wasn't an immediate fear.)
However, now I am able to face my fears, and not be so afraid.
I am able to think through the fears, and figure things out.
Now I am happy when I am helping other people, when hubs and I are snuggling, when I am reading blogs, when I am at yoga.
I am happy just walking.
My greatest happiness is when I am with Mr. UT or my family and friends, and we are sharing a special time, or sharing a memory.
I don't consider these miracles, but maybe they are.
Sometimes I can't see all the ways my life has changed, because I am too close to myself.
It takes a look back to be reminded of the wonder of today.
Today I have been sober for 32 months.
After thinking about all the blogs I have read, all the people at my meetings I have heard, after talking with hubs about life, I can say, I am content today.
With Flowers Growing,
On Day 972,
Wendy
 |
| Flowers are blooming in our favorite park! |
This reminded me of a post I read today, by Mark Goodson, Miracle of the Mundane.
He gave me pause to look back at where I was and where I am now.
Mark describes his using life and his sober life as a "great divide".
He talks about comparing your greatest fear, happiness, or problem in your two lives.
Where was I when I was drinking?
What were my fears then?
What brought me happiness?
When I was drinking, my life was all about me. It was when could I drink, who could I drink with, how can I hide my bottles, when could I get what I wanted.
My biggest fear was definitely worrying about getting pulled over by the police for drunk driving.
My happiness was when I was drinking.
That's the only thing I though made me happy.
Today, my life is about caring for my darling husband.
It's about caring about my wonderful family.
It's about helping other people in recovery.
It's about taking care of myself by getting exercise, sleep, and eating right.
My biggest fear today, is worried about getting old, as we have no children to help us.
(I did have this same worry when I was drinking, too, but it wasn't an immediate fear.)
However, now I am able to face my fears, and not be so afraid.
I am able to think through the fears, and figure things out.
Now I am happy when I am helping other people, when hubs and I are snuggling, when I am reading blogs, when I am at yoga.
I am happy just walking.
My greatest happiness is when I am with Mr. UT or my family and friends, and we are sharing a special time, or sharing a memory.
I don't consider these miracles, but maybe they are.
Sometimes I can't see all the ways my life has changed, because I am too close to myself.
It takes a look back to be reminded of the wonder of today.
Today I have been sober for 32 months.
After thinking about all the blogs I have read, all the people at my meetings I have heard, after talking with hubs about life, I can say, I am content today.
With Flowers Growing,
On Day 972,
Wendy
I truly believe that contentment is what we are striving for. Not happiness.
ReplyDeleteHappiness comes and goes. And it's good to be sad sometimes, as it helps me appreciate when I am not.
But contentment is where my soul is at peace.
I'm glad I left the me me me behaviour behind.
Thank you for that though.
Anne
Thank you, Anne.
DeleteI think I am content when I do not want anything more.
That what I have is enough.
And is tied to peace of mind.
xo
Wendy this post cut right through me. Beautiful and inspiring. I also read Mark's post. I feel so blessed to have all you amazing "older sisters and brothers" to look up to and see, that yes, I want that- I can do that too! Thank you for this. ps I am withoutthewhine- couldn't figure out how to leave post with WP
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteYou can do it!
And I will continue to do it!
xo
Other WP people do, but I don't know how they do.
Agree with Anne - being content is key :) xx
ReplyDeleteAnne and you are smart women!
Deletexo
Congratulations on the sober count (32 months!!!) that's an inspiring number and even better description of your new life.
ReplyDeleteI'm still looking for the contentment, but I know it won't come from drinking again.
Thanks, Tony!
DeleteDrinking made me so depressed and anxious, and that didn't help me in any way!
xo
Yes interesting questions, I want contentment too and most of the time I have it, but then sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm happy being sober and sometimes I'm not, so I stay sober because its the best thing to do. 32 months!!! Amazing.
ReplyDeleteI love these questions. They made me stop and think in a different way.
DeleteI am more content more often now, than I was drinking.
Thank you, PDTG!
xo
Dear Wendy, what a beautiful post. The things you mention are miracles! Helping people, caring for yourself and others and being fully present are all miracles. xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Hurrah!
DeleteI always think that miracles need to be big things.
But if I stay sober and keep learning how to live life fully, I guess that is a small miracle!
xo
It's Real Life here. I am so happy to read about your joy and contentment. Your sobriety is inspiring. I believe you are describing many miracles; found in helping others, in your relationships, in the flowers growing, in yoga practice, and in yourself. I am so glad to share this journey with you. Hugs! Marahu
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteYou are helping me more than you know.
Today we went golfing and had breakfast with friends.
It was so fun.
Way more fun sober, than being hungover.
And I even played well!
xo
Wonderful post. :)
ReplyDeleteHi SNL!
DeleteSo glad to hear from you!
xo
What a lovely spring (for you) post.
ReplyDeleteJust beautiful like its writer, thanks Wendy
Michelle :)
Thank you, Michelle!
DeleteIt has been a beautiful spring!
xo
When I was drinking- too much every night - even a good day always started with regret (for lack of control the night before) or the discomfort with myself knowing I was doing something stupid. So basically, everything was shadowed. Now, my biggest bag of guilt is that I'm not a better housekeeper....but that doesn't have a fair chance of killing me the way that drinking did. (Unless I concus myself tripping over the world's largest dustbunny....) So life is filled with contentment, enhanced with the pride of achievement.
ReplyDeleteAnd Wendy - as always, one comes away from reading one of your posts feeling better, lighter.
Yes, pride of achievement.
DeleteIt's the hardest thing I have done, and so worth it.
Thank you, Northwoman!
I sometimes wonder if I am helping anyone.
And I hate vacuuming!!
xo
32 months - WOOOHOOO!!!!
ReplyDeleteVery well done - I love your enthusiasm and look on your sober life now
Thank you, Graham!
DeleteI love my sober life, and I when I have coffee, I have even MORE enthusiasm!
xo
32 months and one week now!
ReplyDeleteUT, what an awesome surprise I had when I clicked visited your site to catch up and see a blog post of mine inspired you to write one yourself? That's what it's all about. I want to keep taking points on either side of the great divide. Fear is a great one! I'll have to write that one out!
The moments you describe are miracles to me. Not because it is miraculous to be with Mr. UT, go to yoga class, or do the things that make you happy, but because you (me, we) have the freedom to do those things without the monkey on our back, so to speak. For a time, all I could think about was drinking and drugging, and so I couldn't enjoy anything else life had to offer me. Clear that away and I experience miracles all the time!
You describe the different sides of fear so nicely, UT. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you, Mark!
DeleteI am happy to be discovering the same thing!
Thank you for inspiring me!
Yes, it is all about freedom, and that is a deep down feeling, one that is almost hard to describe.
It's awesome.
xo
Wendy