Friday, May 12, 2017

Self-Growth

I was hungry!


Dear Readers,
I find that using photos helps me write, for some reason.
They are another way I can express what I am trying to say.

Last week, Mr. UT and I went for a walk around one of our favorite parks, where there is a cool restaurant, so we stopped by, and sat outside to have a bite to eat.
I make Mr. UT take photos of us, which he will do, although sometimes reluctantly.

Our feelings and thoughts here were of fun, love and connection. When we go for walks, it gives us time to connect, and talk about life.

Now, we do squabble, but not nearly as often as we did when I was drinking.
And then some of our fights were about my drinking.
I am learning to breathe in and out, which gives me time to pause before I say something to hubs I might regret.
We have been married so long, that we have numbered our disagreements, i.e., how many suitcases I need for a weekend away is fight #10.

I am still learning.
I am learning how to be kinder, to myself and hubs.
I am learning how to listen.
I am learning how to not try to "fix" someone.
I am learning how to motivate myself.
I am learning how to support other people who are working on being sober.
I am learning how to detach with love, from other people and outcomes when needed.
I am learning so much.

I saw this quote on the Women for Sobriety newsletter, that is sent to me each week:

"Be patient with yourself.  Self-growth is tender, it's holy ground.  There is no greater investment"  -Steven Covey


I am still learning how to live sober.
This is something I will always be learning.

With Love,
On Day 981,
Wendy

28 comments:

  1. It definitely takes time to learn to be kind to ourselves after years of criticism.
    My hubs and I are the same. Most disagreements are the result of tiredness or a quick taking offence when none was meant.

    It is easier to be short with those we love. We both try hard to notice and apologize when we are this way.
    That alone is worth the effort.

    I love your picture. It is beautiful.

    Anne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Anne!
      It is a lovely spring here!
      Lots of walks!
      xo

      Delete
  2. That's a lovely photo of you together. I hope you enjoyed your meal. Hugs x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Wendy,

    You are so wise. On day 981 you say you are still learning and that is what will keep you sober, this amazing willingness to learn and to stay humble. Recovery is a process not a destination and we don’t ever just 'arrive' and are 'cured' Absolutely love that quote I am writing that down. Thank you. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Every time I read that quote, it makes me calmer for some reason.
      I think it's the word tender....I am so hard on myself.
      xo

      Delete
  4. I love walking, sounds like a lovely day. I think it's better to have too much while you are travelling than not enough :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a great quote Wendy - thank you for sharing! :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love the pic too! Big smiles!
    And yes, I can relate to the no or very little fighting. In the time that I have sober, my wife and I have rarely fought. We used to fight all the time. It's a nice change.

    And I love that list of yours. Detaching...that is not always easy. I want to command how people react and do things and stuff. But most often I have to detach and let them make their mistakes and all that. They have to learn as much as I did. It also takes the pressure off me to play God!

    Thanks for this - wonderful post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Paul!
      Thank you.
      Ugh.. when I was drinking we had so many fights about my drinking. Really it fun.
      I never want to cause Mr.UT to go through that again!
      xo

      Delete
    2. Really NOT fun is what I meant! 😬

      Delete
  7. So lovely to read. I used to be very crabby with my daughter a often reacted too strongly to things that could have been handled more gently. I feel a lot of shame about that but.... that is where the Steven Covet quote comes in handy.
    I love the picture of you and Mr UT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Ginger.
      I really believe we have to be kind to ourselves, or we can never learn what we need to.
      xo

      Delete
  8. "I am still learning how to live sober." And with your words, so am I. Thank you Wendy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This was a great thing to read today Wendy. I understand totally how you feel about "learning" in this case.

    I thought, "well I am not drinking so all of my saying things without thinking and terrible temper would automatically be irradicated"

    My temper has has gone (for the most part) but I still say things that really require more thought to the kids. The best part of it is that as I am doing it I KNOW to STOP. The voice that says stop is louder and more believable and does make me backtrack, apologise and sometime prevent the disaster.

    With alcohol, I would just think "dammit just say what you feel as it must have substance" It sure did have substance, alcoholic substance behind it!

    thanks so very much for this and you too look GORGEOUS!
    Michelle xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's so true, when I was drinking, I had no filter...I would just say what I thought was true. But in reality it was altered by the drug.
      Thank you, Michelle!
      xo

      Delete
    2. Yes really altered - but didn't we BELIEVE it to be right. It is frightening thinking back (ever a small look-back for me!)
      Michelle xx

      Delete
  10. Great picture! When we think there is nothing left to learn we are in trouble because me must always learn to grow, and self growth doesn't end. As for packing, I keep trying to tell my husband that I need choices!!! xoxo
    Mara

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See? You get it! And I have jeans that need heels and jeans that need flats, and on and on. Then I never know how I will feel when I get there!
      Ha!
      xo

      Delete
  11. I lv the I'm learning list...might have to create one. While only in early stages..like 3rd try and approaching 1 week I thkful to surround myself in your journey. I prided never ever fighting with my Mr. and our total lv for each other. He's the kindest. Alcohol sure made me a sassy smart ass and more. I hate I was so mean to him. I never want to be drunk again and nasty. Let's all take long walks in the woods! A.dame.reclaims

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment!
      Drinking made me mean, too.
      I am far kinder sober!
      xo

      Delete
  12. The bit in there about "fixing" someone - oh yes. I used to think that that was all that were needed, if I fixed everyone so that they were all perfectly right (as I saw it) then the world would be ... yes total dystopia but I couldn't see that then - now I do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am finding that detachment is helping me...it's their life.
      I can only fix me.
      Thank you, Graham.
      xo

      Delete